Skip to main content

Isolated II: End Of Days




I have been been for all intents and purposes been trapped inside for the last part of the last 5 months. Locked inside and locked inside my head. It's a dangerous fucking place to be. I am fucking questioning everything I say and do in my life... Because I am sitting at home and doing fucking nothing... A docile boring me is a bad me. I need to be outside. I need to be doing things. The one place you don't want me is sitting at home and brooding. And that's all I have been doing for fucking months.. so if you notice mood swings and anger, think about all the self isolation forced on me in my adolescent years and wonder why I am having trouble dealing right now.... Then be one of the distractions I'm pissed off at currently... I hold things a long fucking time inside. There are always going to be perceived and actual slights that I have every reason to hold a grudge for in normal fucking times... These aren't normal times. This is a new black plague.. and we haven't even hit the worst of it.. and it is probably fucking the end of days... But let's alienate each other. That's fucking cool. I see with new eyes while going blind. True colours are as clear as day.

Anyone that thinks or claims I'm fucking needy can fuck right off. I'm being pulled in a million directions and trying to do the right thing as I understand it... If you truly knew my life you'd understand u budgeting to have groceries in the house is an everyday struggle for me... I don't prioritize the right things sometimes because I'm used to be able to fucking survive... I've been doing it for over 2 fucking decades... I'm used to survival not comfortable... That's where I'm most comfortable.. is living and surviving by my wits. Taking a step back is hell. I need to be outside. Let me out.

I need to be with the one person that I am not with right now... And this virus is making that impossible and frustrating. I am torn into a million pieces because I don't know where things are headed... This shit hasn't happened in a century and not on a scale like this since the black ages.... I don't know where things are headed but I do know I am trying to hold onto the things I have....

..and worry about the one thing I don't. That's never far from my mind either.

I'm just getting fed up with a lot of things in my life that were already broken status quo before the fucking virus and have gotten even worse since. Its going to come to a fucking reckoning one day and some people won't like my answers....

Current Music: Ghost, Square Hammer.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.
Post a Comment
Read more

Fall Of Cybertron III: Where’s Poochie.

It is very easy for me to fade away and just get bored of other people and politics when games are played. I’m not even fucking blinking when someone else who I’ve done things for, constantly for months with no rewards suddenly forgets I exist. That’s real easy for me to fucking deal with. Con politics, games, asshole people that don’t pay there Fuckin promises from day one? Don’t call my number.  I stepped away from this shit once on my own. I have no fucking problem doing it again. I feel used and betrayed, but for me it was a Tuesday. I suspect jealousy and politics but I also know when to stick a fork in something when it’s done. I’ve got no interest being around anyone that doesn’t want me involved in there little cliques. I mean this thing was fun but from day one it was political. I don’t need stress and drama in my life. I can hang up my Wizard robe and move the fuck on. I did a great job of it on my own anyways. I don’t look amateur hour like the rest of them. And I no longer
Post a Comment
Read more

Fuel Injected Suicide Machine.

Pissing me off is never a good fucking option. I have a life and I don’t need to make fucking sacrifices for anyone if I choose not to.  I’m getting real fed up with simply being expected to do and arrange things so someone else can have a fucking escape. This is starting to become a fucking pattern in my life. Some I choose to do for, but others, when I’m starting to notice a fucking pattern? I’m gone. I will always be gone.  The fact I have yet to step foot in England when I have a secondary place to stay should speak volumes in terms of this freindship and how it’s no longer even.  I’m sick of things only being halfway when I’m trying with certain fucking people and I can bail and close ranks and not give a flying fuck about anyone anymore when I’m not being treated with respect esp. given to mine and my brothers financial situation. I don’t mind making sacrifices but I’m still going to make sure that my main fucking priorities are taken care of.  I’m not going to pretend to keep th
Post a Comment
Read more