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Dead like Me...

I know, because I was like you once. Bitter. Alone. Mad as Hell. But I didn't let it consume me. I put it to work.

There are days the depression is overwhelming and the only thing that stops it is you're voice. I don't think you will ever understand that and how broken I have been all these years that we have been apart.

I have tried to destroy myself for so fucking long I do not think I know any other course of action when you are not in my life or worse when I think you are angry with me or hate me. Maybe I deserve to be hated. Maybe I deserve to be gone. But for some stupid reason I'm still standing. I'm still here.

I am having issues I haven't had in a long time about you not being a full time part of my life. It hurts to feel that I am so fucking disposable to you and my son's life. I wonder in a few months if I should seriously look for a fresh start and never look back. He's a man now he doesn't need me. And you've made it clear you only want me on you're fucking terms. Even tho I only ever do things on my terms. I'm willing to meet you halfway. But I'm not sacrificing my principles either.

This isn't the way love is supposed to be.


Current Mood: depressed.

current music: worth fighting for, Judas Priest

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