Skip to main content

Weird War Z

I don't know where the hell I stand right now. I just know that the war is over and I have changed the fucking rules to my advantage. Even if it goes nowhere, you know where I stand and what's been sacrificed at this late stage of the game. I never thought we would be here. I never thought I would love you agian. I thought the pain would always constantly hurt and we would hate each other eternally. Going into this new year. I'm not sure where we stand but I know it's a different place than we have ever been.

I don't trust you at all and I can't bear to wait to talk to you constantly. It's not great for my mental health. And the things I need to tell you are all fucking bottled inside waiting to explode. Maybe I should just fall back in love with the bottle, I have plenty of it... Then the pain will go away agian.

I'm just sick of being hurt and not knowing where things are going... The saddest part is I always expect the knife... You are the one responsible for the happiest moment in my life and the worst nightmares in my life. Where do we go from here? Should we fucking even bother going anywhere? I wish I knew.

Every other day even when things are good is a fucking knife fight. I want to fight to have you in my life, I am fucking trying very hard once agian to do that thing. But I'm not disposable either and I can't turn off the hot and cold the way you seem to constantly. 21 years of you being in my life yet never being in mine. I need time to reflect on that and what's really wanted. I want you to be happy, I want us not to fight. I never wanted the war between us and now I'm wondering if the battle scars go so deep that they will never be fixed.

I'm fine with moving on. In fact its one of my best skills, but you remain the only thing ill ever look back for... I did it once, ill do it agian. That's part of why this will never be over. But its not the voices in my head keeping me bonded to you. We have something, I can't define it or figure it out but I know one thing for fucking sure... Whatever it is. I will never escape it, nor do I want to. Not anymore.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.
Post a Comment
Read more

Bad Man.

I am not a good man, I tell people straight out that I’m not a good person. I know I’m toxic. But I embrace being the villain and being the bad guy. Being feared is better than being loved because at least that way you respect me. When it comes to someone I care about and have a responsibility to, I will always choose them over others fucking bullshit and drama. This isn’t a choice. This is my life. Period. I live it every damn day. I’m not Making any other choices. I will always choose those that I care about over people that are merely in orbit in my life and if you give me a reason to fucking doubt you? I will give u a reason to fucking fear me.  I’m just fed up, my world doesn’t need complications. My peace and my piece of mind doesn’t need complications. I have enough of those I struggle against in my personal life. This is the end game, and the end times. I deserve to be fucking happy. No one is getting in the fucking way of that. Period. 
Post a Comment
Read more

The Dying False King.

I am a ghost and a spectre in a lot of peoples lives that I have touched. Some I shouldn’t be, and some I have willingly walked away for my own mental health. I’m starting to get to that point with many things in my life agian. I thought it would be easier to live a simple life and just have fun but I think it’s harder than when I worked my face off as a father. At least then my enemies didn’t pretend to be my freinds and the world wasn’t falling apart slowly. Just my world.  I think I prefer whatever that was then compared to what the world is now. I have my own life and adventures and I don’t need anyone that doesn’t want or need to be in my life. I have fun with what I do and don’t let negative sources affect my life. If you’re gonna drag me down, I’ll be gone. That’s how it works.  You’re not going to disturb my fucking peace. That’s what the metal shows are for. That is anger’s release. Plus to have fun. 
Post a Comment
Read more