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Scar Tissue


16 years ago today I made a mistake, one I don't think you will ever forgive me for. But it was the only choice I had back then. Maybe I read you wrong and I should have sacrificed everything I was in that moment and just bought you the ring then, I'm sorry I didn't. I think we might have been happier but I had no reason to trust you let alone still love you. I'm sick of being betrayed, then as in now. I love you but I don't trust you, and you have had many chances to change things but you make the decisions and then blame me for the eventual repercussions. I'm still here, I'm still trying to love you, bit I'm not going to be the one you blame for everything anymore. You made a decision the same as I did to set things in motion. We could have fixed this a long time ago. You chose not to.

Now I'm just trying to fix it with whatever time we have left. Yeah I may regret decisions made. But I don't look back on them as a complete mistake. I may have been happier as you might have been or we might be even more broken and shattered than we already are.

At the end of the day my biggest worry is the same as it has always been. I am sorry that I hurt you, but I don't know how to back down from you, only to walk away. I'm fucking good at it.

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