Skip to main content

Zombie.


There is a difference between you and me. We both looked into the abyss, but when it looked back as us, you blinked.

Our war has been over for several years but echoes in you're head remain I am sure if it. It's probably one reason I'll never be good enough, but it won't be for a lack of trying.

I'll always be here. Even when I don't want to be. this lockdown has kept me from going to the place where I would choose to end it... Even tho I know I never would. I'm just sick of facing all the dark places alone and the only thing keeping me living is that fact I have a family out there... I am missing you terribly.

Things have changed. Things will always have changed because I wanted them to. I needed you to know that.

I don't need you in my life. I want you in my life. There is a huge difference between the two. You need to learn what the difference is. I'm not fucking disposable when you get upset with me. Not anymore. I'm done being that for anyone.

Its time to figure out the next step.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

The Laugh Track.

  I want you in my life. Don't ever fucking confuse that for needing you in my life. Those two things are mutually exclusive to each other. I'm fine with my life and it's not my freind's and my social life that I'm jealous of. We both made our choices. My life has always been an insane carnival. You were merely an extended chapter. But if you think I'm going to sit at home being sad and depressed and shutting down because your not in my life. Your delusional. Then agian we already know this. If my life is going to be a sad comedy then I'll make it a metal massacre. I'm not sitting around waiting for anyone. The least of all you.  I sacrificed enough time on the altar of what might have been. I'm just enjoying the time that we have left. This way if it go out, it's on my own terms. I always told you that my funeral pyre will be a blaze of glory.. I just never told you when.  Now I'm gonna live and have adventures. Remain jealous. You know how ...

51.

Happy birthday.  Hope you are happy and enjoying yourself. I like that we are civil and communicating but i also think you need to take some introspective time and decide the next step. I want you to be happy whether or not I am a part of your life. And i am trying very hard to be. Today, this weekend. I just want to talk to you, hear you laugh..maybe even see you smile. Thats all i want. For you to enjoy your day and hear happy Birthday from me and my son. Thats all you need..to know you are loved. Happy Birthday Baby. You are always loved. No matter what. Unconditional.