There is a difference between you and me. We both looked into the abyss, but when it looked back as us, you blinked.
Our war has been over for several years but echoes in you're head remain I am sure if it. It's probably one reason I'll never be good enough, but it won't be for a lack of trying.
I'll always be here. Even when I don't want to be. this lockdown has kept me from going to the place where I would choose to end it... Even tho I know I never would. I'm just sick of facing all the dark places alone and the only thing keeping me living is that fact I have a family out there... I am missing you terribly.
Things have changed. Things will always have changed because I wanted them to. I needed you to know that.
I don't need you in my life. I want you in my life. There is a huge difference between the two. You need to learn what the difference is. I'm not fucking disposable when you get upset with me. Not anymore. I'm done being that for anyone.
Its time to figure out the next step.
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