For the first time in many years I have hope about this day rather than fucking dreading it. I have made a major change in my life and my circumstances and where I stand. Let's see if she reciprocates. It felt really good to buy her a belated xmas gift yesterday. With no expectations.
I don't know where this year is gonna lead but I feel that it's going to be different than the last few. For once I accomplished all the goals I set out last year and I'm looking forward to some I plan to set this year.
I reflect on my life and there is one true constant. 20+ years and one person stands out. Whether it was love or war you were always there in my life... That's gotta stand for something... It's come around to love agian... It's something to say that I do think you are the only person outside of my son that will ever mourn me.
Sixteen years I've carried this grudge and it's lifted. I don't know where things are going and I don't fucking expect anything to change. But the status quo isn't what it once was and that's a good thing. There are still a lot of fucking questions and games between us and it may never go back to what it was. But it's no longer whatever that came next after that last new years eve.
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