Available Light II

Is that what happens to us? A life of conflict with no time for friends so that when it's done, only our enemies leave roses?

The fact that I’m always going to be there and always going to care enough to be there to be concerned when you crack the door open a little doesn’t mean I’m going to be a doormat or be there just because you need a protector. It’ll happen anyways that’s my nature. But you don’t need me, not the way you think you do... and the fact you are always the one unwilling to make that next step is exactly why I will walk away every time, I have my own life, I have my own things going on... I don’t need to be you’re distraction... esp on a weekend or a week when all I am is depressed about decisions you made for the both of... decisions that fucking broke us. We haven’t been the same since because you didn’t trust me to do the right thing.... because you didn’t know what I was doing that week regardless.

I will always be there and there is no anger and there is no revenge wanted but i do feel taken for granted when you give a little light and I dwell on you’re every word and I hold on to all the things you say good and bad for a very long time... I’m glad it doesn’t turn to anger anymore. But sometimes it still just turns to empty....

...and it still hurts when you shine a little light and give me hope.

One day, that emotion might go away. But not today.

I’ll always be there, whether I like it or not. That’s who I am. That’s who I’m always going to be.

The Constant.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Bad Man.

I am not a good man, I tell people straight out that I’m not a good person. I know I’m toxic. But I embrace being the villain and being the bad guy. Being feared is better than being loved because at least that way you respect me. When it comes to someone I care about and have a responsibility to, I will always choose them over others fucking bullshit and drama. This isn’t a choice. This is my life. Period. I live it every damn day. I’m not Making any other choices. I will always choose those that I care about over people that are merely in orbit in my life and if you give me a reason to fucking doubt you? I will give u a reason to fucking fear me. I’m just fed up, my world doesn’t need complications. My peace and my piece of mind doesn’t need complications. I have enough of those I struggle against in my personal life. This is the end game, and the end times. I deserve to be fucking happy. No one is getting in the fucking way of that. Period.

The Dying False King.

I am a ghost and a spectre in a lot of peoples lives that I have touched. Some I shouldn’t be, and some I have willingly walked away for my own mental health. I’m starting to get to that point with many things in my life agian. I thought it would be easier to live a simple life and just have fun but I think it’s harder than when I worked my face off as a father. At least then my enemies didn’t pretend to be my freinds and the world wasn’t falling apart slowly. Just my world. I think I prefer whatever that was then compared to what the world is now. I have my own life and adventures and I don’t need anyone that doesn’t want or need to be in my life. I have fun with what I do and don’t let negative sources affect my life. If you’re gonna drag me down, I’ll be gone. That’s how it works. You’re not going to disturb my fucking peace. That’s what the metal shows are for. That is anger’s release. Plus to have fun.

Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

Search This Blog