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Disposable.







It betrayed Isildur to his death. And some things that should not have been forgotten were lost.


I chose wrong.


You destroyed my last real relationship and I hurt that girl because I was still in love with you, even tho she was there and in love with me when no one even wanted to know my fucking name.  I am terribly sorry I hurt that girl no matter the feelings I have for you. She will never let me apologize and I have no intentions to. I don't look back. I made the decision to persue you to my own doom. That choice has been made. I'm not looking back. And truth be told she isn't even missed.


But neither are you, in my mind anyways. My heart says another story. But I am fucking done waiting, I am done hurting everytime you want to rub it in my face. One day you will see my worth and it will be far too fucking late.  


I'm not disposable and I refuse to let anyone treat me like that. Not a girlfriend. Not the love of my life. No one. I am fucking done with you.


I may take the phone call, every fucking time. The Ring May belong to you. But I don't not at this time. Things may change but for the moment I have one last card to play then you can be the one waiting when you decide to come back.  I have other things I need and want to do in this life. 


You cannot pick and choose dates to fuck with my mind, you do them deliberately and you do them to cause damage. Someone in another life hurt you very badly and for some reason I am the avatar of all that pain and trauma that refuse to completely let go. I need to let you go instead. For both of our mental health.


You and you're obsession with dates, and it's always to twist the fucking knife... every damn time.


You can't just pick and choose when I have fucking value to be in you're life. You have to be there. Just not at the end. That's no longer the promise. The ring may be yours but with every subsequent betrayal I grow farther and farther away from the guy that had hope. The guy that loved you unconditionally. It may always be there and you know the damn reason why.


...but I've buried it deep before. I can and will do it agian.


You're behaviours cause it. And I react accordingly. No, I'm not truly angry.... I'm just starting to remeber why I stopped fighting the first time.... and I would have never stopped fighting for you or against you...


...but I got nothing left. I need my peace. 

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