Nostalgia Tour Part II

He remembers enough of his life to weep for what he has lost.

You left me, you betrayed me... constantly, I have nothing to apologize for and I have no reason to constantly look back, but I do anyways.... every time it fell apart it was you're actions not mine... you can always justify that I'm the bad guy and I'll even let you let me play the villain.... but you know in you're hart that's wrong.

It's always been wrong. Ever since this started. You made you're decision and almost broke me then, I know what I was buying on the weekend nineteen years ago. That fact has not escaped me at all. I know what all three of us lost over the years due to you're decision.

There was a time in my life that you were the most important thing in my life. I thought a while ago we might have been getting back to that... now, I'm just waiting for you to return and for the nostalgia tour to resume... because that's all it is....

... I do mean something to you, and you're as stuck in the past as I am. But this is the present and neither of us at this current moment have a role in the others reality.

Comments

The Laugh Track.

I want you in my life. Don't ever fucking confuse that for needing you in my life. Those two things are mutually exclusive to each other. I'm fine with my life and it's not my freind's and my social life that I'm jealous of. We both made our choices. My life has always been an insane carnival. You were merely an extended chapter. But if you think I'm going to sit at home being sad and depressed and shutting down because your not in my life. Your delusional. Then agian we already know this. If my life is going to be a sad comedy then I'll make it a metal massacre. I'm not sitting around waiting for anyone. The least of all you. I sacrificed enough time on the altar of what might have been. I'm just enjoying the time that we have left. This way if it go out, it's on my own terms. I always told you that my funeral pyre will be a blaze of glory.. I just never told you when. Now I'm gonna live and have adventures. Remain jealous. You know how ...

Father and Son.

I dont know the next step. I don't claim to. I just know I'm working to rebuild a relationship that has been fractured for many years. That includes both of you. I am here. I will always be here, I have always been here that will never change This weekend was epic and it felt right. I don't know what will happen but i do know that I am at peace with being civil and polite with your mom. It was nice to have a little adventure as a family. It felt right. It what was missing in our lives. Thank you.

The Trees.

I am really bothered by someone hurting my tree. I’m not sure the next step but that’s a living thing. I know that there is no healing when our things are still affected negatively by people. I’m not sure what the next step is but I know this is part and parcel of the entire thing and that we can’t heal when people hurt the things we care about. I don’t have much but I do have a legacy to protect and there is a place where my son needs to feel safe, and I don’t think it will ever be that house agian. But once it was home, there are good memories there. There was love. Part of that is the peace that was our tree. I’m sick of people damaging the things I love. The world needs to be better and less selfish. I need peace in mine and her lives. Even if we are separate in our lives. She needs the peace and quiet I have in my life. Even more than I do. And only one of us has it.

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