I haven’t given up, but there are days that hit harder than most and remind me of who I am and who I was, and why in moments my life changes over and over again. I know that sometimes those changes are bad and sometimes those changes are good. But the decision is always mine on how a man ends whatever moment in his life I am currently at. I’m choosing the moment I’m in right now as I have for the last four years because sometimes something’s gotta be more important than my needs and wants, a hard lesson I learned the hard way multiple times. But it was learned.
My life is an improvement because I’m not longer chasing vapours pretending to be something I’m not, or someone I once was that was stripped from me completely because of someone’s petty jealousy. Well watch my life now, the jealousy is deserved. I was always a rock star, now I’m just living like one.
But the reality is I come home and all that is stripped from me, I know what my probities and responsibilities are and I face them privately and with full disclosure and confidence I can face what comes next. This is who I am now, this is what I do, I have my moments of escape but I made a choice four years to be bigger than my own damn who and to be beside his side until The end. That’s a choice and a responsibility I don’t take lightly. This is my life. It’s much improved for both of us than I ever expected. But it was a choice…
My world has changed, and my responsibilities and priorities changed. But I’m still standing and doing what is right. I can’t live up to the ideal of what I was wanted to be? That’s fine. I’m just gonna live and be me. I tried to be that other guy for far too long of my life. It wasn’t fucking appreciated. Whoever I am now, it is.
I know where I stand with a lot of people in this life now, and most importantly where I stand is where I am. It’s about what I’m doing now.
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