Do not awaken the demon within. I know i am the devil. I have no problem unleashing hell. I have no illusions about where I end up at the end. I may end up in Hell, I welcome it. But I’ll have ended up there for the right reasons. I know I’m a sinner and I will never fucking repent. But there’s two things here. I never hurt an innocent and I only went after those that deserved it. I’ve left a lot of damaged people in my wake. But anyone I’ve hurt minus one who it wasn’t my actions that damaged him deserved it.
My problem is that the demon and devil inside me will always choose to destroy himself before he intentionally hurts anyone else without cause. However, I leave a lot of collateral damage in my wake… I’m aware of that. If you’re around me, there’s a good chance you get hurt, or you fade away…
At the end of the day I sleep soundly, knowing I never hurt anyone intentionally and I’m not the one haunted by my actions over these last 2+ decades… something to ponder. Why you have nightmares and I don’t. One of us has a guilty conscious. It isn’t me. I know I’m damned, but I’m going to hell for the things I didn’t do… not the things I did. That’s what weighs on me. That’s all that weighs on me.
I am a vengeful demon when those I truly love are threatened. And I have no fear of my final destination, to protect him and his mother trust me… I don’t care if I have to go to prison. That’s not exactly anything new to me. Like she said to me once. You like jail, you can deal with it inside.
She’s fucking right. I was raised in a prison from my childhood years to my adolescence… I can adapt to institutional real fucking easy for the right reason. Nothing new to me.
So please threaten that what I hold most dear. She can go fuck herself. It’s never been about her. It never will be.
But I’ll take eternal damnation to protect him, what I have to endure in this life, is a cup of coffee in comparison.
You should have known better. You hurt them agian. You will. And I’m not afraid of going down in a blaze of glory. That particular ideation has been with me a long time.
But here’s the thing. If i go down that way, I’m taking you with me.
I have a throne waiting.
I don’t want anyone in my life or in my orbit that doesn’t have my back. I know who my ride or die people are and who holds the casket as pall bearers, it’s why I want to be burned. I don’t want those people to carry that weight on their worlds.
But I’ve had enough with false friendship’s and people taking advantage of me. I have enough people I care about. I don’t need fakes. I just need to go about my own little way and do my own thing.
It’s safer for everyone that way.
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