I enjoy the life and friends I have now. The music part of my life has always been there and indulged even when I had nothing I was able to have a metal magazine and a few tapes from the local record store. The fact 30 plus years on I’m still following some of those bands and still having fun with the music scene I was once a bigger part of in my younger years, it shows me that the good parts of me within, they aren’t all gone. And the music that helped me deal with a lot maybe isn’t very nice, but neither am I.
Id rather have a heavy life and look angry than pretend to be at peace when I’m not. I tried to be that person for many many years and had very little outlets to unbottle all the darkness inside. Now I’m free, and at peace, and I can always go to a show to figure out all the shit in my head. And it is a place where i expend energy and some of the darkness fades.
The main reason I persist and endure in the metal and punk scenes I belong to is because there is no drama and it’s an escape from my personal life and whatever else bullshit that remains. I get to have somewhat of a normal life when I’m in the pit.
Speaking of the pit, those who have crossed my path in recent days with less than positive intentions would do well to remember that I throw around men and women the size of me or bigger constantly for fun.
Imagine what I would do if I was pissed off?
I don’t fucking exist to be amusement or be used. And when I’m getting that in both my personal and professional relationships I’ll just fucking bail and gravitate to Other people that aren’t drama and are not disrespectful.
Because I know how to be a mean girl and how to be disrespectful.
I’m busy having fun with the metal scene and just having peace in my life. Anything that causes me drama or affects those that I care for or am responsible for at the end of the day will be forgotten about.
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