I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions. And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting.
I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block.
I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to.
I will always be here between you and her if need be. That’s not a question.
I’ll hurt alone if I have to without bothering my support circle. Some of them don’t understand. They never will. You can’t throw rocks at people that live in glass houses. It wont do enough damage, fuck it, I’ll just use a machine gun.
Thatll do damage.
I want some people to hate me, I have no problems with that. Its better to be feared and respected than to be liked.
The fact is you shouldn’t being treated like you are, you wouldn’t be if I was by your side. There’s a decision to be made and soon on that. I don’t mind being a blunt instrument and tool if that’s what is required. I just want you and him safe. Regardless of personal cost. As i said to you earlier there’s not much I fear anymore.
You need to decide where we stand, because otherwise I will just be here waiting, always ready to stand between you and him and those who have hurt you. And I’ll always be here if he needs me.
I went to war with you and all I want is peace with you, but I’m not sacrificing myself to beg to come home. That’s not part of it. You’re not going to have me on my knees needing you. I either want an equal or I’ll be just fine on my own. But I think you need to be in my arms. And I think it’s the safest place for both of you.
But that’s a decision you need to come to on my terms, not yours.
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