Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

Not in a good fucking mood, first off i get an early morning call asking me exactly what's going on with some of the things i can't fucking afford yet re: regarding court... and as much as i am trying i have to eat i have to keep a roof over my head, I left a fucking message a month ago regarding everything and apparently it fell upon deaf fucking ears because no one was listening unless it's a time when it is actually fucking important to someone... other than me, because it's only my sanity and my child's well being on the line.. but I'm the great big evil one so it's alright... even tho I AM AND ALWAYS HAVE BEEN FUCKING INNOCENT... and it's not my little innocent soul that has been twisted into a million pieces as a result of all of this.. I swear i wish i had been charge and they had attempted at a conviction, they would have been done by now.. stupid fucking cops, stupid fucking government, that's not even the best part of my day or month beca...

I am starting to get fed up with a lot of things in my current living arrangement, there is way too fucking much bullshit for me to possibly keep dealing with all the bullshit that is coming with this place, I feel that every personal issue that someone else is experiencing get's directed towards me and as much as i try to fix things and make things better it seems like i get the brunt of the the vitorol from this person, i have serious fucking concerns long term about this being a safe place for my son when i get a fucking headache the same day as i pay rent, and when one has been borrowing money from someone who has even less i start to wonder exactly why i am trying to make as much of an effort to keep this place, it's not home, it's not mine, it's fastly becoming somewhere that I sleep and not someone where where i want to stay long term, i have gotten angry to often too recently and it's time to start making decisions based on the way i feel not on need. Cur...

The next step in any planning for my life is to be very fucking firm with the people in my life that cause stress and conflict, one this business thing is very much a 50/50 proposition and i'm no longer going to be treated like the hired help, i am doing 95% of all the work and repairs and planning for shit because i actually have fucking knowledge of the mythology and of who and what the character's are, i have do all the research on them as well... in have other things in my life as well that take presendence and i can't wait entire days waiting on someone else, if i'm not available you can fucking wait...i wasted almost two days but the good news is that my house is getting cleaned up and stuff is moving out of my house the way i want it to, and i am getting closer to having little man home at least in my fucking mind as i set up his bed and futon and desk in his room and will soon set up the entertainment unit in their as well... it's time to start looking forw...

There is some serious frustration and doubts as regards to the whole deal with the transformers, yes it's kinda fun, yes it's a hobby and not a job, even tho more and more I am starting to look at it as exactly it just a job, I don't need stressful bullshit in my life and this shouldn't be one of the things that is stressful, another thing I don't like is the waste of time waiting on others for an entire lost day, it's one thing at toy conventions and the like to deal with people but I wasted yesterday with a sale, we were not impressed, being stressed about about money isn't helping either at least at this point we should be able to move some stock without sitting on a bunch but the reality is I am only involved with this as long as it is making me and not costing me money. Current Mood: Frustrated. Frustration, although quite painful at times, is a very positive and essential part of success.

Yesterday was just a bad today today is a much, much better day and I'm not feeling so down or at war with the world, of course getting a lot of things i intended to do last night and today has helped, it's all about perspective and exactly what i'm doing with my life.. and i can't let anything keep me down, just gotta move forward and make everything work. Current Mood: Content. The successful warrior is the average man, with laser-like focus.

It is one thing to deal with assholes and the politics of these assholes at a toy convention when all i am doing with it is trying to support myself and make a daily fucking wage... but when i am getting pressure to sell by someone who is and always will be a boss and an aquiantance and nothing more, because the friendship thing is not likely to ever happen and then come home and have issues over having stuff that i move daily for big bucks is getting to me.. there is too much bullshit in my life regarding other things.. it is organized and it is my living area.. I am getting fucking sick of the nonsense at home where i do nice things and help out and spend entire days wasted to only get shit on when i take a day for myself to make some money or to deal with my friends who are buying stuff off me... it's rather frustrating to have to deal with rules constantly changing and constant complaints.. if it continues i will be apartment hunting, i need a safe place for my kid not to be ...

I am very happy with myself today and it is nice to finally have things going in the right direction, I like the fact that for once something is going in a positive direction that NO ONE CAN EVER TAKE AWAY from me... This current adventure is not something I need anyone else for and it is working itself out, It's stressful but it's kinda nice knowing that I can walk away from it at any time without any guilt, and while I am doing it I am having fun and meeting people with similar interest and we can shoot the shit about comic books actions figures and other interests, this beat sitting at home with a hole in my heart wallowing in self pity and the endless torment of pain of the dark cloud i have been living under for years, it's time to move forward it's time to kick some ass, No more poor pity me. Current Mood: Determined. Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.