I don't do fucking cryptic and I dont play fucking high-school childish games with the person I life i love the most save my son, I will walk away. I have before. Without a word and without looking back. You betrayed me. I never fucking betrayed you. I even came back after I had no reason to just to have you betray me a second fucking time. I'm still trying to be a good husband and a father even now. Both of these fucking things you have denied me.
Why bother. Hes of legal age and there were moments where you could have been there and you fucking weren't. Why shoukd I care now. I don't. Only time i put effort into anything in my life and you treat it like an afterthought. I thought I was happy and then you come into it and unbalance things. Including me.
I don't know if it need you as an element of my fucking life. I for sure dont need you in orbit playing mind games. Verbal sparring and emotional mindgames need to end some time.
You are important and you are in my life. But you dont have to be, and maybe thats a decision I have to make peace with for myself agian. My mental health is fucking important too. And all im seeing right now is a black hole of my patience being gone. I dont need to lose what's left of my mind trying to be something I'm not, something I was never allowed to be. You can fuck off too.
Knowing you'll be there at the end or if something fuckin happens doesnt mean I have to tolerate this shit until that fucking point. I dont plan to not anymore. These is an end date. One long last expiry.
I need to be in your life if something happens but I dont need you in my life like a fucking anchor dragging me down. You've done enough of that the last two decades. You have to have control over me in some fashion as its the only thing in your fucking life you can control. You're shadow has loomed as large in my life for as long as I can fucking remeber, meanwhile I know my presence in yours is a fucking afterthought.
You dont want me with anyone else but you dont want me in your life as a significant part of it either. What the fuck is wrong with that picture?
I'm done playing high school games. I give up. Theres nothing left to give. I can grow cold. I will give up and choose for things to fucking end. I do not want them to but I dont know if things can continue like this.
When it comes to you, I get to be angry, I get to be fed up with you. That's the price of my promise of always fucking being there. Sometimes I just need a little space. Sometimes I need a lot of space. Right now I think its the latter.
I'm just done. Thats it.
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