Know your enemy II

It always surprises me when trust is a factor in my carrer that it is becoming a one way street, i am an afterthought when it comes to work, pays not in yet and i cannot continue to live like this hanging on to every fucking day until the paycheque comes in, it would be one thing if i had options or shifts coming out of my ass, but I need to pull out my firmly established roots and fuind something better to do, I am planning to fucking travel this summer and in a few weeks, if i'm not scheduled i'm going to windsor for a week and i'm gonna fuck off to toronto for a few days too, now that the nice weather is here ther eis no point in sitting around doing nothing all week waiting for that one shift just before i have my kid, i'm gonna make myself a little less availible, of course it seems like other options may present themselves soon so until then there is a good possibilty that i need to enjoy my life instead of being miserrable, because the only one making me miserable is me. I was happier when i had less... it's the choices i make and the fact that i have some sort of misguided loyalty that allows me to volunteer for bullshit always on call... i'm gonna start being unavailuble... rather than sitting at home all day doing nothing but watching 300 channels, and nothings on.

Current Mood: Depressed.
Current Music: Know your enemy, Green Day
God made everything out of nothing, but the nothingness shows through.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Fall Of Cybertron III: Where’s Poochie.

It is very easy for me to fade away and just get bored of other people and politics when games are played. I’m not even fucking blinking when someone else who I’ve done things for, constantly for months with no rewards suddenly forgets I exist. That’s real easy for me to fucking deal with. Con politics, games, asshole people that don’t pay there Fuckin promises from day one? Don’t call my number. I stepped away from this shit once on my own. I have no fucking problem doing it again. I feel used and betrayed, but for me it was a Tuesday. I suspect jealousy and politics but I also know when to stick a fork in something when it’s done. I’ve got no interest being around anyone that doesn’t want me involved in there little cliques. I mean this thing was fun but from day one it was political. I don’t need stress and drama in my life. I can hang up my Wizard robe and move the fuck on. I did a great job of it on my own anyways. I don’t look amateur hour like the rest of them. And I no longer

Fuel Injected Suicide Machine.

Pissing me off is never a good fucking option. I have a life and I don’t need to make fucking sacrifices for anyone if I choose not to. I’m getting real fed up with simply being expected to do and arrange things so someone else can have a fucking escape. This is starting to become a fucking pattern in my life. Some I choose to do for, but others, when I’m starting to notice a fucking pattern? I’m gone. I will always be gone. The fact I have yet to step foot in England when I have a secondary place to stay should speak volumes in terms of this freindship and how it’s no longer even. I’m sick of things only being halfway when I’m trying with certain fucking people and I can bail and close ranks and not give a flying fuck about anyone anymore when I’m not being treated with respect esp. given to mine and my brothers financial situation. I don’t mind making sacrifices but I’m still going to make sure that my main fucking priorities are taken care of. I’m not going to pretend to keep th

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