Death: The High Cost of Living

I sit around bored with my head in my hands or i go out and hang out with my friends, i have no real goals at the moment and can't be bothered to see past tomorrow, i hate this city and anger and hate are becoming more pronounced towards certain people that seek to destroy me, they can destroy me all they want I am a phoenix born of fire. every time i am broken down i get up, stronger than before...it just saddens me to see things turning out the way they did... too bad this life is all about tribulations, not sure what my next is going to be but i am going to make it soon and some of the people that have made me feel this way are going to feel it's wrath, there's no time like the present but i can't be bothered to be a person with a dark soul that would wish any kind of malice on anyone, maybe a darker nastier me would have had a better road, and maybe at the end of the day i will be darker and bitter and a lot of light within my soul will wither on the vine and die, leaving only the black soul... but maybe that's for a good reason, maybe i will see things clearer and shut my heart down from all possibilities and become... the nothingness i already feel i am.

Current Mood: Depressed.
Hatred is the coward's revenge for being intimidated.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Franco Un-American.

I hate everyone. I just pretend I don’t because I’m chasing this false inner peace, thats being constantly eroded by outsiders. I am happy, I was at peace. But I do see my country and more importantly my city for what it’s for and I’m getting angry again. Maybe I do need to be angry. Maybe I do need to rebel. Maybe I do need to speak out despite the fact that it can be used against me and hurt those I love. Nothing fucking new to me. This apathy has gotten me nowhere, this trying to be at peace was working but maybe I need to be angry, maybe I need to rail agianst the things that once were right have now went wrong. This isn’t a world I want my child growing up in, and he’s grown. But this isn’t the world I promised him. This is something else. This city wants to pick a fight with me? Cool, I know what busybody bitch it is. Don’t think I will tolerate any threats to those that I care for or myself. You want to fucking start a war? Maybe it’s time for me to be angry again.

Someone Like You.

I know there are aspects of me, my personality and my life that you still like. It’s why you had my child and no one else’s. But I don’t colour within the lines enough for you to settle down with. That’s been acknowledged for two fucking decades. He’s an adult. I don’t need to answer to anyone anymore in my life. I wasted years fighting you when I should have been fixing you. But those moments are over. All of our moments are over. I don’t even need to be angry. I just need to be. You and I are toxic. I’m better off without you in my life. It’s a little less toxic when I’m the only one on the boat. Only the captain goes down with the ship. I’ve always known i would die alone anyhow. No family, no friend’s, no real accomplishments to my life. I wrote that line almost 30 years ago. Self fulfilling prophecy. At least that way when I implode no one gets hurts. I was a fool to think otherwise. I’ve left too much damage in my path. I just want to be happy and at peace whatev...

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