A History of Violence

I am not going to let anyone Intimidate me especially this late in the game, I'm the intimidating one not anyone else, maybe some of the people that have crossed me in this life and the corrupt civil servants who took there time not investigating shit should try not to attempt to intimidate me, even if i was sitting in a padded room with the cuffs on, i would not be intimidated, i know who i am and what I am, and that's something nobody can take away from me... there's a reality out there that people have created and it's not the truth, but then again, who ever said you needed the truth to condemn a man, i am a student of history after all... it's funny that the minute i start making changes in life by some coincidence the phone rings, wonder what will happen when this is back in court....I'm sick of people trying to manipulate my life, people that don't know me.. it all comes down to the one person who i thought knew me but really all she wanted was whatever i couldn't give her... that's the ultimate manipulation, I'm tired of playing her game, I'm too old for all of this shit. i should not have had my childhood manipulated into something they can use against me at age 35. it doesn't seem to matter anything I've done past the fact that i was damaged goods as a kid, and therefore by extension I'm still damaged goods creating more damaged goods. The easier way out back in Windsor should have been the decision but i could never have made that fucking decision and she knows it... i wonder if this was the plan all along.. to destroy me... I am seriously at this point thinking of turning my back on my life and starting anew, Windsor, Vancouver and parts of England are all options... but then again there is the whole thing of I'm not going to run, i might go afterward, but as long as there is a battle to be fought and a fight to be embroiled in I'm going to be in the thick of it, Only guilty men run.

Current Mood: Angry.
Beware the person who has nothing to lose.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Franco Un-American.

I hate everyone. I just pretend I don’t because I’m chasing this false inner peace, thats being constantly eroded by outsiders. I am happy, I was at peace. But I do see my country and more importantly my city for what it’s for and I’m getting angry again. Maybe I do need to be angry. Maybe I do need to rebel. Maybe I do need to speak out despite the fact that it can be used against me and hurt those I love. Nothing fucking new to me. This apathy has gotten me nowhere, this trying to be at peace was working but maybe I need to be angry, maybe I need to rail agianst the things that once were right have now went wrong. This isn’t a world I want my child growing up in, and he’s grown. But this isn’t the world I promised him. This is something else. This city wants to pick a fight with me? Cool, I know what busybody bitch it is. Don’t think I will tolerate any threats to those that I care for or myself. You want to fucking start a war? Maybe it’s time for me to be angry again.

Someone Like You.

I know there are aspects of me, my personality and my life that you still like. It’s why you had my child and no one else’s. But I don’t colour within the lines enough for you to settle down with. That’s been acknowledged for two fucking decades. He’s an adult. I don’t need to answer to anyone anymore in my life. I wasted years fighting you when I should have been fixing you. But those moments are over. All of our moments are over. I don’t even need to be angry. I just need to be. You and I are toxic. I’m better off without you in my life. It’s a little less toxic when I’m the only one on the boat. Only the captain goes down with the ship. I’ve always known i would die alone anyhow. No family, no friend’s, no real accomplishments to my life. I wrote that line almost 30 years ago. Self fulfilling prophecy. At least that way when I implode no one gets hurts. I was a fool to think otherwise. I’ve left too much damage in my path. I just want to be happy and at peace whatev...

Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

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