I am Used to playing all the angles and reacting with anger when something in my life does not go my way.. this time however I am just planning the future carefully and weighing all the variables... I'm No longer young and I have responsibilities while white hot anger and fury still exists inside of me at this point in my life i have to channel that rage in a positive direction or all my experiences in the last year will turn inward and consume me... I can't let my strength and anger and drive become a poison, Yes i'm angry about leaving the place we have called home for the last three years but in a way it is forcing me to make a decision one i have been happily avoiding since last year... there is always going to be a crossroads in my life and i will always have the fight or flee impulse, but i have chosen to stand my ground this long and fight... it's not likely that impulse will change anytime soon... the things that scares me is being trapped in a place forever that doesn't work for me.. Hamilton has proven it isn't home and my ties to here have slowly eroded into hate over the last few years I came here for a reason that reason does not exist anymore.. I have options and choices it's time to explore them, I would rather be angry and waiting for answers elsewhere than having the dark shroud of my past be part of my every breath.. Hamilton is part of me... But it's a bad part it's something that I could easily cut away from my soul.. I have before.. And i'm a better fuckin person for it.
Current Mood: Driven.
It's best to have failure happen early in life. It wakes up the Phoenix bird in you so you rise from the ashes.
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