Skip to main content

From the Ashes...

I am Used to playing all the angles and reacting with anger when something in my life does not go my way.. this time however I am just planning the future carefully and weighing all the variables... I'm No longer young and I have responsibilities while white hot anger and fury still exists inside of me at this point in my life i have to channel that rage in a positive direction or all my experiences in the last year will turn inward and consume me... I can't let my strength and anger and drive become a poison, Yes i'm angry about leaving the place we have called home for the last three years but in a way it is forcing me to make a decision one i have been happily avoiding since last year... there is always going to be a crossroads in my life and i will always have the fight or flee impulse, but i have chosen to stand my ground this long and fight... it's not likely that impulse will change anytime soon... the things that scares me is being trapped in a place forever that doesn't work for me.. Hamilton has proven it isn't home and my ties to here have slowly eroded into hate over the last few years I came here for a reason that reason does not exist anymore.. I have options and choices it's time to explore them, I would rather be angry and waiting for answers elsewhere than having the dark shroud of my past be part of my every breath.. Hamilton is part of me... But it's a bad part it's something that I could easily cut away from my soul.. I have before.. And i'm a better fuckin person for it.

Current Mood: Driven.
It's best to have failure happen early in life. It wakes up the Phoenix bird in you so you rise from the ashes.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.
Post a Comment
Read more

Fall Of Cybertron III: Where’s Poochie.

It is very easy for me to fade away and just get bored of other people and politics when games are played. I’m not even fucking blinking when someone else who I’ve done things for, constantly for months with no rewards suddenly forgets I exist. That’s real easy for me to fucking deal with. Con politics, games, asshole people that don’t pay there Fuckin promises from day one? Don’t call my number.  I stepped away from this shit once on my own. I have no fucking problem doing it again. I feel used and betrayed, but for me it was a Tuesday. I suspect jealousy and politics but I also know when to stick a fork in something when it’s done. I’ve got no interest being around anyone that doesn’t want me involved in there little cliques. I mean this thing was fun but from day one it was political. I don’t need stress and drama in my life. I can hang up my Wizard robe and move the fuck on. I did a great job of it on my own anyways. I don’t look amateur hour like the rest of them. And I no lon...
Post a Comment
Read more

Serpent's Kiss.

I pass in and out of peoples lives. sometimes i wonder why they come back. sometimes i wonder if the issue is me. i do grand things and i back up my plans and words and maybe sometimes thats too much for some. but all i have ever asked from those that i love is honesty. i don't care if things fall apart. all i need is the truth.  I'm getting to the point i don't trust fucking anyone. and being betrayed by those that are at best fairweather fucking friends when im not exactly finacally fucking stable.  there are reasons i keep my circle small and those i truly trust even closer. it takes a lot to be a part of my life and and i am seriously considering withdrawing from some of my social activities again because it seems like the last couple years they just turn to shit and all i am doing is losing money. i have stopped caring about a lot of people in the past and it can be real fuckin easy for me to walk away from agian. id rather work on the relationships both old and new th...
Post a Comment
Read more