Skip to main content

From the Ashes...

I am Used to playing all the angles and reacting with anger when something in my life does not go my way.. this time however I am just planning the future carefully and weighing all the variables... I'm No longer young and I have responsibilities while white hot anger and fury still exists inside of me at this point in my life i have to channel that rage in a positive direction or all my experiences in the last year will turn inward and consume me... I can't let my strength and anger and drive become a poison, Yes i'm angry about leaving the place we have called home for the last three years but in a way it is forcing me to make a decision one i have been happily avoiding since last year... there is always going to be a crossroads in my life and i will always have the fight or flee impulse, but i have chosen to stand my ground this long and fight... it's not likely that impulse will change anytime soon... the things that scares me is being trapped in a place forever that doesn't work for me.. Hamilton has proven it isn't home and my ties to here have slowly eroded into hate over the last few years I came here for a reason that reason does not exist anymore.. I have options and choices it's time to explore them, I would rather be angry and waiting for answers elsewhere than having the dark shroud of my past be part of my every breath.. Hamilton is part of me... But it's a bad part it's something that I could easily cut away from my soul.. I have before.. And i'm a better fuckin person for it.

Current Mood: Driven.
It's best to have failure happen early in life. It wakes up the Phoenix bird in you so you rise from the ashes.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Laugh Track.

  I want you in my life. Don't ever fucking confuse that for needing you in my life. Those two things are mutually exclusive to each other. I'm fine with my life and it's not my freind's and my social life that I'm jealous of. We both made our choices. My life has always been an insane carnival. You were merely an extended chapter. But if you think I'm going to sit at home being sad and depressed and shutting down because your not in my life. Your delusional. Then agian we already know this. If my life is going to be a sad comedy then I'll make it a metal massacre. I'm not sitting around waiting for anyone. The least of all you.  I sacrificed enough time on the altar of what might have been. I'm just enjoying the time that we have left. This way if it go out, it's on my own terms. I always told you that my funeral pyre will be a blaze of glory.. I just never told you when.  Now I'm gonna live and have adventures. Remain jealous. You know how ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Father and Son.

I dont know the next step. I don't claim to. I just know I'm working to rebuild a relationship that has been fractured for many years. That includes both of you. I am here. I will always be here, I have always been here that will never change  This weekend was epic and it felt right. I don't know what will happen but i do know that I am at peace with being civil and polite with your mom. It was nice to have a little adventure as a family. It felt right. It what was missing in our lives. Thank you. 
Post a Comment
Read more

The Trees.

  I am really bothered by someone hurting my tree. I’m not sure the next step but that’s a living thing. I know that there is no healing when our things are still affected negatively by people. I’m not sure what the next step is but I know this is part and parcel of the entire thing and that we can’t heal when people hurt the things we care about.  I don’t have much but I do have a legacy to protect and there is a place where my son needs to feel safe, and I don’t think it will ever be that house agian. But once it was home, there are good memories there. There was love.  Part of that is the peace that was our tree. I’m sick of people damaging the things I love.  The world needs to be better and less selfish. I need peace in mine and her lives. Even if we are separate in our lives. She needs the peace and quiet I have in my life. Even more than I do.  And only one of us has it. 
Post a Comment
Read more