Skip to main content

You Don't Exist...

I like the fact that for the last little while i have been living my life and while dealing with emotional pain due to the part of the year it is and missing my little boy, you the one who has caused all of it is not entering the equation, I haven't thought of you for any real reason in a few weeks and the reality is even thru the nostalgia filter or thru the blinding red eyes of anger I'm not sitting around brooding and waiting for things to change.. I am dealing with them and not brooding... Yes, it seems like i am at a standstill now but when i devote time and energy it's towards positive goals and how i can change things.. when i say I haven't thought about you it is because I have better things to do with my life.. I am currently considering all the angles and making plans for the future, some of which i might not be comfortable with but anything is better than the torture and hell of the past year, it's time for me to stand alone, stand for myself and Not be defeated... I don't see things thru the filter that i used to.. there is a lot more anger and I won't fix other's problems with me, but then again I never tried to in the first fucking place... I'll just do what I always do.. stand tall and hard.. between you and him... as always... but for the moment letting you occupy space in my mind is not even worth a momentary distraction, I have better and more fucking fun things to do...

Current Mood: Bored.
I've got an 'F', and a 'C', and I got a 'K' too
And the only thing that's missing is a bitch like 'U'

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

The Laugh Track.

  I want you in my life. Don't ever fucking confuse that for needing you in my life. Those two things are mutually exclusive to each other. I'm fine with my life and it's not my freind's and my social life that I'm jealous of. We both made our choices. My life has always been an insane carnival. You were merely an extended chapter. But if you think I'm going to sit at home being sad and depressed and shutting down because your not in my life. Your delusional. Then agian we already know this. If my life is going to be a sad comedy then I'll make it a metal massacre. I'm not sitting around waiting for anyone. The least of all you.  I sacrificed enough time on the altar of what might have been. I'm just enjoying the time that we have left. This way if it go out, it's on my own terms. I always told you that my funeral pyre will be a blaze of glory.. I just never told you when.  Now I'm gonna live and have adventures. Remain jealous. You know how ...

51.

Happy birthday.  Hope you are happy and enjoying yourself. I like that we are civil and communicating but i also think you need to take some introspective time and decide the next step. I want you to be happy whether or not I am a part of your life. And i am trying very hard to be. Today, this weekend. I just want to talk to you, hear you laugh..maybe even see you smile. Thats all i want. For you to enjoy your day and hear happy Birthday from me and my son. Thats all you need..to know you are loved. Happy Birthday Baby. You are always loved. No matter what. Unconditional.

Bad Man.

I am not a good man, I tell people straight out that I’m not a good person. I know I’m toxic. But I embrace being the villain and being the bad guy. Being feared is better than being loved because at least that way you respect me. When it comes to someone I care about and have a responsibility to, I will always choose them over others fucking bullshit and drama. This isn’t a choice. This is my life. Period. I live it every damn day. I’m not Making any other choices. I will always choose those that I care about over people that are merely in orbit in my life and if you give me a reason to fucking doubt you? I will give u a reason to fucking fear me.  I’m just fed up, my world doesn’t need complications. My peace and my piece of mind doesn’t need complications. I have enough of those I struggle against in my personal life. This is the end game, and the end times. I deserve to be fucking happy. No one is getting in the fucking way of that. Period.