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Unsuccessfully Coping with the Natural Beauty of Infidelity

I have a lot of anger and hate in my life right now and I knwo some of it is due to my own failure but a lot of it is also due to one event horizon in my life, One moment in time, One person's constant selfishness and inability to deal with her own emotions and lashing out at the one person who once upon a time truly loved her, no matter what, Now there is nothing but blackness in my life... Without you I would be happy and in Windsor and without worries, i would still have my career, my Apartment on 368 Partington or on the same street living with my buddy just hanging out and being cool, I would have my career and I would have choices in my life.. Found out today that the battle is just a little bit harder, and I honestly think about stopping fighting and letting you win because you will not be satisfied until you have destroyed me completely... and I won't be satisfied until absolute victory, but we have been playing this fucking game a very long time and I am sick of it... it's all about you, you could keep your fucking legs closed and I am the one that has to suffer for it because a long time ago you made a decision that deeply hurt us both and to fix it you made a decision that hurts all three of us... the truth is the happiest times in my life since 2000 have been the years without you... You were not needed in Welland and why the hell i made the choice to crawl back into your deep dark hole once i had washed my hands of Niagara was idiotic... I had options, I had a place that you were not truly part of, and I went and fucked it all up because I thought something was missing, the only thing that was missing was the fact that I didn't need you.. I wish i had realized that sooner.. now it's a battle for the rest of my life... you can't destroy me but you sure as hell are trying...

Current Mood: Angry.
I don't hate you.. I just don't like that you exist.

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