Skip to main content

Unsuccessfully Coping with the Natural Beauty of Infidelity

I have a lot of anger and hate in my life right now and I knwo some of it is due to my own failure but a lot of it is also due to one event horizon in my life, One moment in time, One person's constant selfishness and inability to deal with her own emotions and lashing out at the one person who once upon a time truly loved her, no matter what, Now there is nothing but blackness in my life... Without you I would be happy and in Windsor and without worries, i would still have my career, my Apartment on 368 Partington or on the same street living with my buddy just hanging out and being cool, I would have my career and I would have choices in my life.. Found out today that the battle is just a little bit harder, and I honestly think about stopping fighting and letting you win because you will not be satisfied until you have destroyed me completely... and I won't be satisfied until absolute victory, but we have been playing this fucking game a very long time and I am sick of it... it's all about you, you could keep your fucking legs closed and I am the one that has to suffer for it because a long time ago you made a decision that deeply hurt us both and to fix it you made a decision that hurts all three of us... the truth is the happiest times in my life since 2000 have been the years without you... You were not needed in Welland and why the hell i made the choice to crawl back into your deep dark hole once i had washed my hands of Niagara was idiotic... I had options, I had a place that you were not truly part of, and I went and fucked it all up because I thought something was missing, the only thing that was missing was the fact that I didn't need you.. I wish i had realized that sooner.. now it's a battle for the rest of my life... you can't destroy me but you sure as hell are trying...

Current Mood: Angry.
I don't hate you.. I just don't like that you exist.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.
Post a Comment
Read more

Fall Of Cybertron III: Where’s Poochie.

It is very easy for me to fade away and just get bored of other people and politics when games are played. I’m not even fucking blinking when someone else who I’ve done things for, constantly for months with no rewards suddenly forgets I exist. That’s real easy for me to fucking deal with. Con politics, games, asshole people that don’t pay there Fuckin promises from day one? Don’t call my number.  I stepped away from this shit once on my own. I have no fucking problem doing it again. I feel used and betrayed, but for me it was a Tuesday. I suspect jealousy and politics but I also know when to stick a fork in something when it’s done. I’ve got no interest being around anyone that doesn’t want me involved in there little cliques. I mean this thing was fun but from day one it was political. I don’t need stress and drama in my life. I can hang up my Wizard robe and move the fuck on. I did a great job of it on my own anyways. I don’t look amateur hour like the rest of them. And I no longer
Post a Comment
Read more

Fuel Injected Suicide Machine.

Pissing me off is never a good fucking option. I have a life and I don’t need to make fucking sacrifices for anyone if I choose not to.  I’m getting real fed up with simply being expected to do and arrange things so someone else can have a fucking escape. This is starting to become a fucking pattern in my life. Some I choose to do for, but others, when I’m starting to notice a fucking pattern? I’m gone. I will always be gone.  The fact I have yet to step foot in England when I have a secondary place to stay should speak volumes in terms of this freindship and how it’s no longer even.  I’m sick of things only being halfway when I’m trying with certain fucking people and I can bail and close ranks and not give a flying fuck about anyone anymore when I’m not being treated with respect esp. given to mine and my brothers financial situation. I don’t mind making sacrifices but I’m still going to make sure that my main fucking priorities are taken care of.  I’m not going to pretend to keep th
Post a Comment
Read more