Skip to main content

Nemesis Prime.

I need to concentrate on the positive things in my life instead of allowing the anger and depression and darkness to overtake me, yes there are things in my life i cannot control due to other's actions and behaviors and there are things in my life that i can control with my own behavior, my own personal descent into my own fucking darkness is one of them, I don't need to allow it to take me over when I am hurting, I need to use it as a lightning rod and make that same darkness my strength and use it against whatever my perceived enemy is... I need to be strong not just for myself but for the others that matter in my life so I don't drag them down the same dark path that I seem to be on...I am angry, I am am depressed but I am also Determined, I am also ready for whatever challenges face me in the future, you can't break a man down from nothing when all he has is that nothing, And i do have things to be thankful for that keep me going, things like this weekend which while may be highly stressful over and above whatever current personal stressors I am undergoing, will also be fun and why wouldn't it be i am selling fucking transformers at one of the major 1980 toy conventions, i should have fun and I should make a bit of money for me and my partner, as well i have more stuff coming to move and sell and to add to my and my son's personal collections, it's time for me to make careful choices about the battles i choose to fight and not let the darkness over take me.. i received some good news today it's just fucking time to figure out the logistics and move to the next level and get things going again, i have been waiting for change, for anything to happen for far too long... the best defense is a good offence it's time to put that into place.

Current Mood: Determined, Angry, Positive.
You can waste all of your time focusing on stuff in the past that you can't change or you can use your time to change the present.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Laugh Track.

  I want you in my life. Don't ever fucking confuse that for needing you in my life. Those two things are mutually exclusive to each other. I'm fine with my life and it's not my freind's and my social life that I'm jealous of. We both made our choices. My life has always been an insane carnival. You were merely an extended chapter. But if you think I'm going to sit at home being sad and depressed and shutting down because your not in my life. Your delusional. Then agian we already know this. If my life is going to be a sad comedy then I'll make it a metal massacre. I'm not sitting around waiting for anyone. The least of all you.  I sacrificed enough time on the altar of what might have been. I'm just enjoying the time that we have left. This way if it go out, it's on my own terms. I always told you that my funeral pyre will be a blaze of glory.. I just never told you when.  Now I'm gonna live and have adventures. Remain jealous. You know how ...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Trees.

  I am really bothered by someone hurting my tree. I’m not sure the next step but that’s a living thing. I know that there is no healing when our things are still affected negatively by people. I’m not sure what the next step is but I know this is part and parcel of the entire thing and that we can’t heal when people hurt the things we care about.  I don’t have much but I do have a legacy to protect and there is a place where my son needs to feel safe, and I don’t think it will ever be that house agian. But once it was home, there are good memories there. There was love.  Part of that is the peace that was our tree. I’m sick of people damaging the things I love.  The world needs to be better and less selfish. I need peace in mine and her lives. Even if we are separate in our lives. She needs the peace and quiet I have in my life. Even more than I do.  And only one of us has it. 
Post a Comment
Read more

Return To The Abyss.

If anyone thinks they can take advantage of me and the people I care about, they are sadly mistaken. I walk away from people I love because of their bullshit. Someone who is merely there in my life? Yeah, I’m fucking out. I don’t need emotional vampires that suck me dry in my life. I will walk away from anything and everything at this point. I no longer give a damn about anything other than myself when it comes to your opinion.  This decision and many others have been a long fucking time coming and to be honest I’m better off doing my own thing alone and solo. Because it’s better off for all involved. There’s still a temper and there is still the old me hidden underneath this attempt at seeking peace. I’m not a nice guy, I’ve never claimed to be a nice guy. And I’m not keeping my fucking mouth shut.  No one fucking uses me, Period. And thats all I’ve felt I’ve been over the last few years. By a number of people in my professional life and my personal life. So maybe at this mom...
Post a Comment
Read more