Skip to main content

Nemesis Prime.

I need to concentrate on the positive things in my life instead of allowing the anger and depression and darkness to overtake me, yes there are things in my life i cannot control due to other's actions and behaviors and there are things in my life that i can control with my own behavior, my own personal descent into my own fucking darkness is one of them, I don't need to allow it to take me over when I am hurting, I need to use it as a lightning rod and make that same darkness my strength and use it against whatever my perceived enemy is... I need to be strong not just for myself but for the others that matter in my life so I don't drag them down the same dark path that I seem to be on...I am angry, I am am depressed but I am also Determined, I am also ready for whatever challenges face me in the future, you can't break a man down from nothing when all he has is that nothing, And i do have things to be thankful for that keep me going, things like this weekend which while may be highly stressful over and above whatever current personal stressors I am undergoing, will also be fun and why wouldn't it be i am selling fucking transformers at one of the major 1980 toy conventions, i should have fun and I should make a bit of money for me and my partner, as well i have more stuff coming to move and sell and to add to my and my son's personal collections, it's time for me to make careful choices about the battles i choose to fight and not let the darkness over take me.. i received some good news today it's just fucking time to figure out the logistics and move to the next level and get things going again, i have been waiting for change, for anything to happen for far too long... the best defense is a good offence it's time to put that into place.

Current Mood: Determined, Angry, Positive.
You can waste all of your time focusing on stuff in the past that you can't change or you can use your time to change the present.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.
Post a Comment
Read more

Franco Un-American.

I hate everyone. I just pretend I don’t because I’m chasing this false inner peace, thats being constantly eroded by outsiders. I am happy, I was at peace. But I do see my country and more importantly my city for what it’s for and I’m getting angry again. Maybe I do need to be angry. Maybe I do need to rebel. Maybe I do need to speak out despite the fact that it can be used against me and hurt those I love. Nothing fucking new to me. This apathy has gotten me nowhere, this trying to be at peace was working but maybe I need to be angry, maybe I need to rail agianst the things that once were right have now went wrong. This isn’t a world I want my child growing up in, and he’s grown. But this isn’t the world I promised him. This is something else.  This city wants to pick a fight with me? Cool, I know what busybody bitch it is. Don’t think I will tolerate any threats to those that I care for or myself. You want to fucking start a war? Maybe it’s time for me to be angry again.
Post a Comment
Read more

Someone Like You.

I know there are aspects of me, my personality and my life that you still like. It’s why you had my child and no one else’s. But I don’t colour within the lines enough for you to settle down with. That’s been acknowledged for two fucking decades. He’s an adult. I don’t need to answer to anyone anymore in my life. I wasted years fighting you when I should have been fixing you. But those moments are over.  All of our moments are over.  I don’t even need to be angry. I just need to be. You and I are toxic. I’m better off without you in my life. It’s a little less toxic when I’m the only one on the boat. Only the captain goes down with the ship. I’ve always known i would die alone anyhow. No family, no friend’s, no real accomplishments to my life. I wrote that line almost 30 years ago. Self fulfilling prophecy. At least that way when I implode no one gets hurts.  I was a fool to think otherwise. I’ve left too much damage in my path. I just want to be happy and at peace whatev...
Post a Comment
Read more