How the fuck can the system and you stall and have each others back, yet they won't touch you like poison, in the real proceedings that matter, this battle is over, but the waiting begins and the war hasn't came close to a conclusion. I have fifteen months to wait if i have to have that little boy use his own voice, because any time i think he was trying to tell someone what really happened, the legalese and the fact he has a lunatic putting words in his mouth to further attack me... I mean why do i have to have one of my best American friends to borrow 1.5 k because i had no one else left to ask? I've had a good career and i have had opportunities that I gave away because being a father was so much more important to me, and Now I'm being told that because she fucking decided i wasn't worthy enough of our child and she didn't like the things in my life abd the way i was raising my son, obviously I know as well as you do that the crap genetics on both sides of our family are going to affect him inside, behavioral problems are expected, your fucking brother is an alcoholic murderer and I don't even need to go into the details in my twisted and fucked up family tree, you're well aware of them, it's what you used to destroy me... the only thing that i am taking out of today is there is a chance at vindication or a chance to appeal and live to fight another day, But i have more of the truth and some real fucking weapons now, you and the fucking system are exposed, and it may take more than one battle to prove that, but anyone can follow a hidden paper trail and three or four contradictions... when i am being accused of being evasive and directly lying? Fabricating my past? I have fucking essays written on my past, some of them published, and Toronto Children's aid Has Been Involved in almost ever moment of my childhood and ACADEMIC CAREER!!!! this is about an attitude that crown wards are nothing and they leave the system flawed and broken and unfit to be parent's.. you tried this shit on my mother until the truth came out that she was the only parent that matter's and now history is fucking repeating itself with me being declared an unfit parent... My mother fought for years for me, and while i may not exactly be the person she is or currently wants me to be.. I will attempt to live up to her example and never back down and never give up fighting for my little boy. she never gave up, neither will I. This battle, This war, This last three years has been only regarding one thing... I don't care about myself or my soul, it can burn in hell, I know I'll have company.. and i won't be sharing the real estate you'll be in. In forty years I'll never know anyone as vindictive and manipulative, and I've known the best... 2 years from now we will have answers because in 15 months that little boy becomes old enough to speak for himself.. and I don't care if i have to fucking sell every belonging, he will have his own children's lawyer at that point. if at forty years old i am still fighting I will still be fighting, But i wonder IF with today being you're fortieth birthday if you can truly live with yourself for everything you have done... at the end of the life I Won't be the One answering for the one Sin I did not do, it will be you... i hope you can live out the rest of your years knowing that... I just have to do what i have i have been doing for years.. patiently waiting. waiting for you to fail. I am afraid, But not of you, and not of the system that has for the last three years withheld and hidden evidence to protect a fucking worker whose word is the only piece of true evidence in the entirety here.. i am afraid of losing my son nothing more... you injure an animal it's one thing... but when you threaten my cub with putting him thru the same prison i experienced growing up? i might cooperate but i am on the other side of the spectrum, Children's aid will always be my enemy... there's only black and white there.. the system needs to be changed. i still feel this is a vindictive fight against for me as much for the allegation as much as it is because i had the fucking balls to speak out against the system both in my writings and in a project shortly before... but when someone who Only has a BSW and put fucking words in my mouth that on video were proven to be completely different.. No fucking wonder they hid the dvds. any fucking idiot in their right mind would have a personal injury suit with all the shit the hid.. In fact... IF I lose...Or IF i Win, that may be the next step... It's always going to be about my son, but IF i have to wait another year or two for my day in court for a trial to prove myself in family court, I might want to put the pressure on with another avenue.. Let's see if i have to take this hearing to a judge... there's no backing down in this wounded animal... you'd have to kill me to make me go away... and None in this world Has the power to stop this fucking blackened heart from Beating. No retreat, No surrender.
Current Mood: ANGRY, SAD.
Current Music: EMINEM, KIM.
You will sustain your rage, using time as a defense against fear and indolence. In the great stash of defenses, time is the one least imaginative.
Let the RAGE consume you, and you will find out, that pain is all you will get at the end of that journey
Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.
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