I am Angry, And I am alone, I Know this, it doesn't matter who supports me or what friends or family surround me at certain times.... at the end of the day at this point of my life their is a void that never quite get filled, and click, click, click, i get depressed every fucking day, No wonder lately i haven't really haven't a shit about being a functioning adult citizen, the truth is, right now in society, I'm not... I'm a criminal in all but name.. a social pariah for something i haven't done... it would have been so much easier to have been a deadbeat dad instead of fighting for him with every second and with every breath i draw... then agian I don't know how to walk away, much less back down.. especially when it comes to my son. to get rid of me you;d have to kill me and i haven't met anyone in this lifetime capable of doing that... i will admit that the longer the battle get's my heart get's hardened, i'm more battle weary because it never fucking ends... my heart and soul have grown dark because of this war and i am a lot more quick to anger and to be distrusting because so many people i once trusted have let me down, but then agian, the whole point is i should have never trusted any of them in the first place... some people in this life are just people who haven't stabbed you in the back yet.. and then there are there are true friends who have my back, even more sometimes than family.. i'm just becoming a little more selective as to i let into my inner circle at this point because i can see the road ahead and it's still dark.. and if i'm going to disappear or have to start my life over because the end of the this battle gives me any other choice... i'm going to be paying attention to the relationships that are important, and the rest of the world can crash and burn while Nero plays a fucking fiddle for all i care.. I'm becoming dangerous close at this point where i have to care about one thing only and the rest of the world doesn't matter. I am that hardened. this is a war and there will be casualties... but it won't be him, not if i can help it.. anyone else.. fair game. i have shut down my emotions to only the rage and anger because those are the things i need to fight... I would not have thought when i left Welland that the anger i thought i had worked thru my system in college between 97-02 would be my driving force in the new tens... Somehow being a better person takes the edge away, I need to be angry, I need to be dangerous.. I need to be battle hardened.. I need to be a Soldier... that's the way of the world.. some of meant for better things.. Me, I'm made for war.. Fighting is all I'm goddamn good at.... Almost.
Current Mood: Angry
Current Music:Lacuna Coil, Forgive (but i won't forget your name)
You are not wrong. You fought to protect your world. Isn't that good enough? After all, justice in this world is just a bunch of principles made by those with power to suit themselves. No one really thinks of others, you will lose everything if you cannot keep up. Only two kinds of people exist in this world—those who steal and those who are stolen from. So then, today, I just stole your future. That's all.
But I know the rage that drives you. That impossible anger strangling the grief, until the memory of your loved one is just... poison in your veins. And one day, you catch yourself wishing the person you loved had never existed, so you would be spared your pain.
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