We are still playing Chess, but there are more pawns added to the the board now.The game isn't over but i have shifted focus, i am now facing the final battle with the goverment, the one i know that I can win, things are heading into motion that will create choas for someone other than me, and for the choas she has created in mine and his lives she fucking deserves it, i am examining options and relying on my freinds and other things to try and make that money a reality... but at this point it's not about fighting her anymore.. for the next few weeks it's about fighting them, i know that i can stand strong and see this thing thru and i have made a choice to stay for the last three years, not for family, not for freinds, not for my carreer, only for him.. it's the only reason i continue to live in this corpse of a city, a place full of rotten memories and forgotten souls... it's the only reason i have stayed in Ontario, this is the beginning of another ending, this is a fight i think i have been mentally prepared for since age eight... once agian i am faced with a final endgame, once agian i choose to fight... I don't back down... but i know this time... there will be an ending good or bad... and i prepared for that with No fear. this battle isn't with her, this battle is agianst something bigger, somehow it always has been.. she just used my fears and my hatred of them to peirce me deep to the core... but i am no faltering flower, i am not a matchstick in the wind... i am a warrior and when you have grown up in the depths of hell, you no longer fear the darkness. I am ready for them, more ready than you will ever know. three years I have silently waited for this day, 9 days, tick tock... at least here, i will finally have an ending. this goes deep, to a time long before you, or college, or anything that involves you, I am on trial for my life, it's a place i have been waiting for since i was 8 years old... my chance to speak about what happens behind the walls of the societies doors...about the generational perputy the force their so called goverment wards to endure... of course we are damaged goods.. the goverment raised us to be that we.. but let one escape that hell and actually have a little bit of light and success in his life? it's a light that has to be snuffed out... for me, myself and possibly others later.. it's time to change that, it's time to restore the balance, not for me.. but for him, so his generation doesn't expeince what mine has had to. there's a reason i went to school, there's a reason i have over the years written so many things on the subject, there is a reason i know the system as well as they do... I came prepared, i made sure i learned all that i could about the system, every bit of information was for one reason.... for when the day i came i could protect children, I wish that It wasn't my own that I am protecting but one has to deal with the cards he was dealt... but I haven't changed, I still know exactly who I am, who I have always been.. that doesn't fucking waver.
Current Mood: Depressed, Determined.
Even in war there should be lines you didn't cross.
Comments