No lights
No fire
No untamed madness that breathes life
There is work
Anguish
Frustration
Rage
Despair
A dullness that rings like wooden thunder
I Am angry but it is a focused rage today, yesterday my mind was a clusterfuck of thoughts and today I am in a much diffrent place.... it's funny when someone think's the have a winning trump card but instead it back fires on them, I understand now why all the secrecy and what they were trying to hide because on paper one thing appears to say something but when I am faced with my own visage and words it's the exact same thing I have been saying since day ONE!!!! I am Innocent, I didn't hurt my child and this is some sort of twisted revenge by my ex to eliminate me from his life and destroy me finacally... It didn't work...I don't hide from things.. i attack them head and don't back down.. My anger and rage outweigh any depression or apathy, when i set a goal, I see red and I persue it.. I don't have any fucking fear... there is no fear... I am not afraid of them, but they should be afraid of me.. this is a beginning of something else not an end.. this was part of my day of judgement and I stood strong, without fear and was honest and at the end that's all the matters.. in this life i have made fucking mistakes and i will suffer and atone for them, but mistakes i have not made? Those sin's someone else will burn for.. it was not my choice to take him away for three years and today i spoke candidly about the steps it will take to repair the damage that has been done both to my relationship with my boy and his fragile little pysche... that's what's important to me. him, not this battle... not the one that has been on fucking stall forever... not someone from my past that barely even registered as a loved one anymore.. only a target for my hate... this is my battle.. and hopefully tommorow it will be the first step to vindication, i have fought long and hard with the soul of a warrior, i am exhausted, but in the end whatever the end will be... well worth it.. he will know I fought... good or bad, win or lose, he will know i fought for him, that's all that matter's.
Current Mood: Positive, Determined.
I kept a straight face while my inner Neanderthal spluttered and then went on a mental rampage through a hypothetical produce section, knocking over shelves and spattering fruit everywhere in sheer frustration, screaming, 'JUST TELL ME WHOSE SKULL TO CRACK WITH MY CLUB, DAMMIT!
Never judge badly a rage of a very patient heart who had let go many repetitive offenses from insufferable bastards.
The sour taste of a vigorous leader should be tasted by his enemies when they arise to fight his kingdom for a no just cause.
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