I'm fucking drunk due to the fact that one of the people i have in my life cares enough and about me took care of me tonight and decided i needed to escape the world for a few hours, but at this point i know that things are not over, and the battle continues.. I will finish this fight and you will have to fucking kill me to be rid of me.. i understand that at some point it becomes time to walk away and that has played heavily on my mind.. with the exception of my son the last three years there has been no fucking reason to continue to stay in Ontario, i have survived for three fucking years in the asshole of north American for far, far too long.. I'm not fucking happy... I moved to Hamilton to get a job, not to face down past demons, but that's all this city has given me, the souls of the fucking dead... and taken away that which has been most precious to me.. facilitated by those fucking idiots in Niagara with their holier than tho attitude... on one of their homegrown sons... but I'm a fucking crown ward.. so that mean's i came out broken, sad fucking commentary on the system, I was raised by them so I must be a damaged and unwhole person, I stared down a lot of fucking demons in the last few days and went to the one demon i can relate to to take the fucking edge off the anger tonight.... but i know this battle isn't even close to being over.. and the only thing that has changed is that i have to go with laser point precision over the main offender, instead of letting her stall the rest of our lives.. how the fuck i could have ever loved you is unimaginable to me.. i can't hardly remember the second year of college that made me in love with you, It's a dead memory, because now it's unadulterated hate.. and you fucking deserve it.. I will finish this fight... you will lose. at this point if i am staying in Ontario there is nothing else, not family, not other loved ones.... there is only him...otherwise i would be in the states, Vancouver, Windsor, anywhere but the shithole of the universe in Stelcotown... this city has brought me nothing but pain, and i won't lie some of it has been self inflicted... but as strong as the steel of this city has made me, it has also broken me.
I have got to admit, Celebrated your fortieth in your honor with my Friends, and remembering in this world i have good solid people behind me, and you are probably drinking alone with a babysitter at home with my son because it isn't important enough to spend a significant day and night like that with him, esp after the week we both have had to endure? it felt damn good... call me heartless and uncaring, But welcome to 40 Jennifer, Long may you rot.
Current mood: Depressed, Drunk, angry.
Current Music: 44 minutes, Megadeth
The most terrifying part was that the evil dwelling in those eyes could've gone unnoticed by many.
Now this is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning.
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