There will come a time in your life when you lose something that matters to you. You'll fight for it and you won't win. But what really matters isn't the war you're waging, it's that you don't lose the person you are in the midst of the battle.
You don't get it, You don't understand what it's like to live always at war, to grow up with battle and sacrifice. I guess it's not your fault. It's just how you were brought up.
I can stare inwardly at every ounce of darkness inside of my soul and know exactly who I am and never lose sight of that and the goal, But i will not lie this War, this battle has consumed me, For me there is nothing else... i wonder if my grandfather, a survivor of the shores of Dieppe ever saw past it... the last man that's part of my bloodline that was a soldier, I wonder what His private pains were like? Was his war anything like mine, Did when he closed his eyes did he constantly see the memories and the battles fought? the friends fallen to the wayside? all i see when i close my eyes are pictures of people no longer there, memories and ghosts haunt my dreams... I am fighting a battle that has raged longer than the last world war... All based on a choice of a single woman who Is not bothering to do what is right for her fucking son, yet supports a murderer, In my bloodline there lies a man who was willing to die body and soul for his children, for His King and country, that's my ideal... That's who I am, that's who i am always going to fucking be... This is a war, I am prepared to die fighting it....
Warriors want a worthy opponent. There is no redress in fighting the pathetic.
You, what are you, a person that hid behind your Money and your status and job, everything I've ever had I've had to fight for it... that's the situation Now, My back's against the wall, I'm low on ammo and no Sword by my side...but here's the thing, I've needed them, back me into a corner, back me into the lowest place where I've hit rock bottom I've still got my resolve, I've still got my fists, I still know how to swing, What do you have? You're a coward, hiding behind the system, You fucking Bitch, long before that child was born i bared my soul to you, you know how i grew up, the scars i had suffered by the system, and yet you used it against me... the sad thing now is that in this war, I am forced to resort to something that I swore i would never use to affect the outcome, of course, I did not know the hand you played in her and our son's ultimate betrayal, you're supposed to protect that fucking child, No expose him to a worse evil than me....54 fucking convictions? in my mind i keep playing that over and over in my mind, there's no way i can come to peace with that, I cannot ever fucking understand how you have managed to, My only answer is that your soul is gone... that you have finally gone over the edge and realize the poison that you yourself and no longer care.... which is just as well, you are the person that taught me how to hate, now even that emotion is gone, I feel nothing for you, Not even hate, Things without souls don't get emotions spent upon them. the only emotion i feel now is sorrow for what my little boy has had to endure without me in his life.... and yet given your sin's you still think you are the better fucking parent? You hardly qualify.. as a human being you hardly qualify, what makes you think you are a good mother when you let the man that killed yours into your house where at the time my son was most likely sleeping?? to me you are a nothing, You No longer exist... all that is left is the battle, A battle i have always tried to fight with honor to prove to my little boy that the system works... a lie I've been telling myself for almost the entirety of my life, This war Is all I have left, But it will be fought until my dying day or until he comes of age.. because i can honestly tell you that When he is grown, you may have taught him to fucking hate me...But I won't be the only one he hates....I'm perfectly capable of handling whatever comes but the one thing he will know as an adult even if i am no longer here is that every waking moment of his life I spent it fighting for him... I never backed down Nor would i have. Some things in this world you just don't surrender from, something means more than the person you are or the person you are forced to become. This is war, there's nothing else anymore, not for me... you made that choice for me with your decision in '13. you have consigned you soul to oblivion and damned mine, But hopefully somewhere deep inside the spark of innocence is still within him, I am hoping and praying to a god that I don't even fucking believe in that he still has that and you have not fucking obliterated that, that is my hope, that's why I'm still standing right here fighting this war, exactly where i should be, between you and him, Forever.
It’s hard to beat a person who never gives up.
Current Mood: Angry, Determined.
Current Music: Monster, Skillet.
Fighting makes us feel alive, until it kills us. If it doesn’t kill us, the pain of sitting alone with ourselves, quietly, under constant assault by our own thoughts and memories of war can easily be enough to make us wish we’d died in battle instead
That's the way all life's battles are won.. You don't look at the overall picture. You take one step, then another, and another... until you arrive at your destination
I know the resolution. I know the end of the story before it ever begins. I must choose love. And for this, I will surely die.
War?' The word held too much definition for three letters
Do not be ashamed to make a temporary withdrawal from the field if you see that your enemy is stronger than you; it is not winning or losing a single battle that matters, but how the war ends.
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