But if there must be an end, let it be loud. Let it be bloody. Better to burn than to wither away in the dark.
Another step closer to the inevitable end, and yet so far away, the patience levels have completely melted away and all that is Left is uncompromising fury. this battle needs to end and one way or another it will end at my hand. But I will never go fucking silent into the night, I am prepared for everything that happens to me in this life.. I have No fear of the Hell i will eventually go to, because i have experienced a far worse fire here on earth for the one sin I did not Commit... Damn me for every Sin that i did, but I will Never back down or stop fighting for what Is right, for he who is the most important... I'll go to hell for the things I've done... It reminds me I have still have a fucking soul... unlike some people...But I'll never be damned for the one sin i didn't commit... the battle is now joined and there is nothing left except the fucking battle, All that made me the man I once was has been stripped from me and for a very long time that man was gone.. He's slowly coming back... all I have had for the last four years is the rage and the anger and suddenly my life is changing and the rage for a moment has been ebbed and then, in another moment it's Nuclear fucking winter and the rage is back... if all i have for fuel is my anger and rage then so be it.. I need them to Do the right things. I have spent a decade fighting every waking moment to be a father, i won't let one selfish narcissistic person who doesn't know how to be a good person and is just a master manipulator ever change that, I have spent way too much time staring Into the abyss and allowing what's left of the good in me to be corrupted by the darkness... I've fought monsters, I've stared into the darkness, I've become the darkness In so many ways, I've had no problem embracing the abyss. because I know the darkness will make me stronger... But My brand of darkness Isn't as evil as the Oblivion that you will endure... I promise you Oblivion. When this battle is truly joined and there is nothing left to stall or prevent any of that now.. I will Use everything that I have and Destroy your character because at this fucking point, you have No soul, there will be Nothing for me to feel remorse for...If i have to I will tear away everything that is important to you in the exact same manner you have taken the beating heart in my chest and left it a festering wound...you went after my heart, My soul, My career, you took everything i fucking had away and while it took awhile I am slowly rebuilding, I am the phoenix Born of fire..you failed to completely destroy me, You only destroyed me for a little while.. and Now the fire burns hotter.. you can feel the flames... I don't have the luxury about worrying about destroying your soul anymore, it's already gone... There was once a time I thought in your own misguided way you were only trying to the right thing for our son to protect him from your imaginary demons, But you had a real demon in your family, A poisonous snake feeding you the Eden apple, And for you to betray our child in the manner you have? No remorse, No Regret, No surrender.... No remorse.. Things like you will not face judgement, things like you will only face Oblivion, Things without souls Don't deserve Hell. It may destroy me, but I know exactly where the hell I am going to end up, I have faced the darkest Side of me in the mirror every morning every fucking day for the last 4+ years, I know how easy It would be to walk away from all this... I know How easy it would be to become the Evil your brother is, To become the evil you have accused me of being, I am a damned soul, I hold no illusions there.. I have stared the abyss down and I am still alive because that little bit of me that Is still good is still there... the abyss can have the rest, because you couldn't. Nothing is left Now but the End, And i will meet you on that Battlefield, Swords drawn Gladly with the little bit of honor I have left, because I have that little bit of it, While you Have None. it makes me something I will always be, better than you.
This battle has never been about me and you, it has always been about me and Him, You gave up your right to be anything a decade ago in my life, and I have watched your jealousy that i didn't ever need you in my life consume you Until you decided that you Didn't need me in his life again and used the nuclear option, you gotta be careful when you play with fire, because an apocalyptic fire burns all that stand too close to the fire, and because of your actions it's not just you and I that are enduring the scars.... that's your gift to him, You have wounded him far more than I ever could have, one day will you will regret every one of your fucking actions, and I'll still be here, standing tall, Still standing, Against you, There is no other option other than the inevitable endgame, I have No fear of you, I have only one fear left. and that's the fear of Never seeing him again.... This is not Magic fucking marker on my right arm.... I stare at photographs everyday to remind me that once upon a time there was a happy place...even this blog is testament to not every moment was darkness... The photographs I have Sitting on my fireplace mantle remind me every fucking Day exactly who and what I am fighting for... A battle I will never surrender... Not even In my darkest of hours...and I am long past those darkest hours.. I have stared down the darkest side of me, I have stared down the Darkest side of you, i have No illusion of where our souls will end up when we reach the other side... I am going to Hell... You are going to Oblivion, This isn't a battle to save my soul, It's already damned.. From day one it's been a battle to save his. I will stand and fight as long as I have to. There have been times i considered walking away, there have been times I wanted to, But I knew that if I did that man could never wake up the next Morning and face himself in the mirror because His soul would truly be gone, just like you have thrown yours away... If the battle consumes me so Be it, i will meet you on that bloody battlefield broken but not Broken completely.... All I need to do Is look down On my right arm and Know that I will always have the strength to finish the fight... If this is my last stand i will go down Gallantly like the knights of old I used to tell him about In bedtime stories... there will never be a time I fall upon my sword.. you've already run me through and taken all the things that were good and noble about me and corrupted and destroyed them, but you left me with the one thing you could never take away, the anger and the rage, they give me strength... If this is going to be End, I'll face it gladly... because I will Fucking end you first.
I know Where My darkness Comes from and I know that it will always be a part of me, I have turned that into one of my strengths, but it is not something i have wished to bestow upon my son, All this anger, all this Hate, the self destruction that appeals to me every waking moment is not something I ever in my darkest Nightmares wished upon him. That was your gift to him, not mine.. Every waking Moment I have tried to improve my life, it was never about me, I made choices in the last decade to abandon things in my life that were important to me to have things that In the final end run that were More Important to me... Things I am Still fighting for, Someone i will never stop fighting for...You made that fucking choice for me when you chose to involve me in his life and make me his father. I'm a broken Soul but At least I still have one, i can't say the same about you.
I choose to burn, All guns blazing.
Current Mood: Anger, Determination
Current Music: Arch Enemy - In This Shallow Grave
Nobody can give you freedom, nobody can give you equality or justice, if you are a man, you TAKE IT
The end justifies the means. Sometimes you have to do the wrong thing to get the right result
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