This is war. There is no communication, there is no fucking reason to be civil, I don't have to be anything but angry and full of hate. I gave you your moment but I stood fucking firm and let you know that there is only one way our story ends. There is no negotiation, there is no maneuvering or manipulation, the time for that is long over. I may want this ended, but you know I'll never back down or give up. He's my son period. It felt good getting a huge weight off my chest and confronting you on some level, but do you think I trust you? Do you think I will ever fucking care about you again? Do you really think we can go back to any real form of communication? I will give you no quarter on the battlefield, you know how to end this. I've drawn lines in the sound, I've outlined my fucking terms. This is how it ends. And if it doesn't, welcome to hell. You destroyed me, you took everything that was well and good and positive in my life away from me, it's taken a long while for me to recover from the consequence of your actions.... And then you compounded it with your own actions, your choices, with things I have no control over. But I will tell you this, if our swords have to cross, I will fucking destroy you, I will do it with no remorse and no quarter. I have no emotion for you except hate, I heard it in your voice how much that upset you, but I also know and understand the world you live in within your own head, my reality is not yours. I live in the real world, end this or before this is over, I will see you burn. I have the gasoline, the match, and I will burn with you, I'm already destroyed, I've got nothing left to lose. I've got no reason to back down, I don't play the victim for anyone, that's always been your fucking game. If you're afraid, good, I've known you're afraid since day one, you have every reason to fucking fear me but I've never acted upon it, my day comes in court, not out of anger, not out of vengeance. But you have reason to fear. 5 years of hell, my heart and soul, my relationship with our son, our life you took away, you destroyed my career. These are not things that are forgiven. Not now, not ever. You know and understand my terms and the choice is yours. That's where we stand.
You are predictable. This latest course of action was expected. I don't understand how your brain works, but I did teach you how to play chess. You do understand the metaphor. I didn't teach you how to beat me, and I know my art of war. You don't. I am and have always been the better tactician, and I may let my emotions affect me, they don't guide me and my actions the way you do. The difference between us is I may act out of anger, but unlike you I do think about my actions before the words leave my mouth, before I do things. Every scenario, every option is considered. There's a butterfly effect. I know that my words and actions hold weight in this world. I know that I am a blunt fucking hammer, a weapon in a world that has moved on. So I live in your world, a reality of politics and delusion. I can manipulate the game too. And I can watch you burn. Let's end this. Either we sit down and talk and fix this, or let's have the blood meet the bone. Either way, in the end, I'll still be fucking standing. I will not be backing down, and it doesn't matter how many hits I take, how many times I get knocked down, I'll get back up, I'll keep moving. I'll fight. That's who I am, that's all I am. The balls in your corner, if you want to end this, do so. Let's finish this or I will finish you.
This is a poker game and a chess game and I am playing my cards very close to the vest. I have to, you may be unpredictable, but so am I and I'm not ever going to give you any real advantage in this. I'm always going to be the wild card not you. Whatever this thing is inside your head, some romanticized notion that somehow we'd end up together if I'd raise the white flag and surrender and come crawling back to you? I've long since burnt that white fuckin flag and pissed on the ashes. There is no us, there is only memories and the truth is, there is only him. You are a part of my past and only a part of my past. You are not part of my present except for the fact that you are the mother of my child. I'll accord you the respect due for that, but everything else, the things that would you, the fact that you were shaken when I said you used to be the love of my life, but no more, the fact that I had to be the soldier, the mercenary, the battle scarred veteran rising from the fire, that's the man you created. That's the man I am now. There's no going back to whatever we used to be at any point, the man that would have entertained you at any point is gone. I gritted my teeth and showed you who I am now, all that I'm left. That's what u am, grit and gunpowder. A warrior. A weapon. I don't surrender easily. And I don't fucking stay down. I'll be that man as long as I have to, but never for you. Only for him.
The fact remains that I have sacrificed a lot of what makes me, me. There were more important things in my life so bigger fish to fry. I have no problem with that, I would sacrifice everything for that which is more important in my life, never question that. I don't. Some of the things I had to say to you were a long time coming, maybe there is a weight off my chest, but honestly nothing's over while I'm breathing. I made myself clear, this is where we are at. This war does not end itself. I won't accept anything but total fucking surrender. I don't think you understand the reality of what you have done, what you have taken away, the ramifications, I won't make peace willingly on your terms, only on mine. Either that or I will be rather biblical on you in court, you took my son, life and career away, an eye for an eye, I will fucking destroy you, without regret or remorse.
Current Mood: Confused, determined, Without Fear.
There is nothing worse than having an enemy who is a total loser. It's incredibly frustrating when seeking revenge against one, because you come to the realization that there is really nothing you can do to make the person's life worse than it already is. They have nothing to take, there is no way to screw them over if you have been their victim. It's maddening.
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