Maybe this was how you stayed sane in wartime: a handful of noble deeds amid the chaos.
The will of good men can not counter the terrible strain of war.
I don't know what to think right now and am very confused, it doesn't change anything but I am very concerned that things are getting weirder, and weirder and I don't know what the next step is. i have no illusions as to what the next step is, but as much as things need to happen the way that they are currently supposed to, I am wondering what exactly this new development is and there are so many angles it could be it is starting to play mind game inside my head, that may be the desired affect or it could be something else, I'm not exactly sure what to think here and or how to fuckin react other than to continue to play the game and let what happens happens while carefully minding every word that I have to say, my level of trust is low and I'm am on high alert, I'd never abandon my son and anything he needs I'm more than ready willing and able to provide but the guessing game has started again in earnest and i have my doubts and questions and I'm not sure how to proceed further other than in a total fucking state of confusion. Once again there are questions that need to be answered and this is not a stage of detente this is a process of negotiation, nothing more nothing less. I'm not giving anything more than what i have been giving and I don't trust you for a nanosecond, you've earned that, I'm pretty sure I'm completely aware of the end game here, I have no doubts of that, but for now I'm willing to play ball and see where it goes. I don't know what this is. I've got no problem being civil and being polite, it is a war after all, and one battle does not win a war, and it's a war I'm fucking fighting here.. I'll see it thru to the end, whatever that end might be... I learned a long time ago not to trust you or anything that comes out of your fuckin mouth, and i have good reason. This could all be just another tactic and mind game to get me thinking and stressing and I Already spend every waking fuckin moment thinking about him, I'm not sure what the goal is here... I am expecting a lot more sleepless nights again, I'm used to that. I can't ignore everything that has happened for one bright moment of change, there is no trust and No backing down, No surrender. too much has happened between us for that to ever be the fuckin case. it's been that way for eleven years, this started a long time ago, Don't you think that I will ever forget that. I don't expect it to end anytime soon. Make no Mistake about this, we are both head for our darkest hours in the near future and I have no doubt in my fucking mind that for you that it's going to be a darker hour for you than any of them have ever been for me, But i will be a dark Angel, A protector, A person uncapable of regret or remorse, you don't reverse it, i will give you everything that you given me and that's always going to be exactly what it is, With no quarter given. A half decade of hatred cannot be erased in a second, and we have been at some form of war for much longer than that. I may have taught you how to play this art of war when i taught how to play the chess game, But I'll always be better at it. I've been fighting battles all of my fucking life and this is just another one. this is just the one that has wounded me the most, fought over most precious blood, never forget that, both yours and mine runs thru him and always will. it may have been the battle that has wounded me the deepest but it is not the only one I have ever had to fight. It's just the most important one. I learned how to fight a long time ago, I just never imagined that it would ever come to this.
Current Mood: Confused
Current Music: Savatage, Sarajevo 12-24
Battles are lost in the same spirit in which they are won.
There is nothing that war has ever achieved that we could not better achieve without it.
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