Skip to main content

Empire's End II

I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity.

I am strangely at peace with knowing that the toy thing is in my rear view mirror, I do have some good friends and some awesome stories to tell from the entire experience and the longer i look upon it and debate about what I am going to keep and what's left I realize that while it was an absolute adventure it always had a finite lifetime and there are other things I need to accomplish, maybe the first step in the next step of my life is looking back and finishing something I left a decade ago to accomplish something that was more Important to me in term's of being as much of a full time as i could have been. I have no regrets, but it's time for me to both look to a past to something that has always been important for me to finish and also to the future. it's not about who i was a moment ago, The toy thing has never defined me, it just took a while to realize that because of the dark places i was in... it was aplace i retreated to for a while to defend myself from the darker edges of my psyche to rein them in... now it's time to use some of that drive and stubbornness to finish my other goals in this life.... that's what is important, ending the game... i need to look at all the options in my life and move on, and I'm restrained by things that have tied me down for far too long, I've always been my own person and let no one, Not even her Control me, why the fuck do I pretend like I am any less now, it's time go back to find myself, It's time for me to define exactly who I am now, That has not changed.. I'll always find my fucking way. this is a just a now closed chapter in my life that i have No real interest in writing anymore about. This Is where it ends. Full Stop.

Current Mood: Determined. A Finality.
Current Music: Green Day, Holiday

Everything that has a beginning, has an end....

Whatever begins, also ends.

I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies
This is the dawning of the rest of our lives

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Franco Un-American.

I hate everyone. I just pretend I don’t because I’m chasing this false inner peace, thats being constantly eroded by outsiders. I am happy, I was at peace. But I do see my country and more importantly my city for what it’s for and I’m getting angry again. Maybe I do need to be angry. Maybe I do need to rebel. Maybe I do need to speak out despite the fact that it can be used against me and hurt those I love. Nothing fucking new to me. This apathy has gotten me nowhere, this trying to be at peace was working but maybe I need to be angry, maybe I need to rail agianst the things that once were right have now went wrong. This isn’t a world I want my child growing up in, and he’s grown. But this isn’t the world I promised him. This is something else.  This city wants to pick a fight with me? Cool, I know what busybody bitch it is. Don’t think I will tolerate any threats to those that I care for or myself. You want to fucking start a war? Maybe it’s time for me to be angry again.

Someone Like You.

I know there are aspects of me, my personality and my life that you still like. It’s why you had my child and no one else’s. But I don’t colour within the lines enough for you to settle down with. That’s been acknowledged for two fucking decades. He’s an adult. I don’t need to answer to anyone anymore in my life. I wasted years fighting you when I should have been fixing you. But those moments are over.  All of our moments are over.  I don’t even need to be angry. I just need to be. You and I are toxic. I’m better off without you in my life. It’s a little less toxic when I’m the only one on the boat. Only the captain goes down with the ship. I’ve always known i would die alone anyhow. No family, no friend’s, no real accomplishments to my life. I wrote that line almost 30 years ago. Self fulfilling prophecy. At least that way when I implode no one gets hurts.  I was a fool to think otherwise. I’ve left too much damage in my path. I just want to be happy and at peace whatev...