Skip to main content

Empire's End II

I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity.

I am strangely at peace with knowing that the toy thing is in my rear view mirror, I do have some good friends and some awesome stories to tell from the entire experience and the longer i look upon it and debate about what I am going to keep and what's left I realize that while it was an absolute adventure it always had a finite lifetime and there are other things I need to accomplish, maybe the first step in the next step of my life is looking back and finishing something I left a decade ago to accomplish something that was more Important to me in term's of being as much of a full time as i could have been. I have no regrets, but it's time for me to both look to a past to something that has always been important for me to finish and also to the future. it's not about who i was a moment ago, The toy thing has never defined me, it just took a while to realize that because of the dark places i was in... it was aplace i retreated to for a while to defend myself from the darker edges of my psyche to rein them in... now it's time to use some of that drive and stubbornness to finish my other goals in this life.... that's what is important, ending the game... i need to look at all the options in my life and move on, and I'm restrained by things that have tied me down for far too long, I've always been my own person and let no one, Not even her Control me, why the fuck do I pretend like I am any less now, it's time go back to find myself, It's time for me to define exactly who I am now, That has not changed.. I'll always find my fucking way. this is a just a now closed chapter in my life that i have No real interest in writing anymore about. This Is where it ends. Full Stop.

Current Mood: Determined. A Finality.
Current Music: Green Day, Holiday

Everything that has a beginning, has an end....

Whatever begins, also ends.

I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies
This is the dawning of the rest of our lives

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

The Threat.

I an not a nice person. I am not polite or nice. I am scary and intimidating and I draw power from that fact.  You fuck with the people I love and hurt them, I’m going to damage you in kind. I want people afraid of me. It means I’m respected. It means you’re intimidated. I would rather be horrifying damaged and leave with nothing if it gives me the power and the freedom to protect my friend’s and family.  Keep in mind a man with nothing to lose once had everything slip thru his fingers. And I have no fucking problem being a threat, to you, to my enemies, to society. You name it. I simply don’t care. The best defence has always been to confront and attack whatever the source of the problem. It hasn’t always brought me victory but at some point it’s brought me peace knowing that I’ve never backed down or done anything to hurt anyone. Just responded to what has happened to me and the ones I love. You don’t want to be my enemy. It’s a bad place to be. And once you are marked as su...

The Remedy

I am reminded when I need someone how truly alone I am in this world. Because for as much as I am the constant and the shoulder to cry on. The same respect isn’t accorded to me, obviously. It hasn’t been in years. This is why I have never and will never need you. I don’t need anyone. Especially when I am fucking hurting over a lost freind.  I hurt, I get to do that. I’m fine with that. I process and move on. I spend a couple days where I block out the world and keep going but I’m fine.  I don’t accord anyone I don’t trust or respect the time of day. It’s not about who it is. I’ll willing burn a bridge im fucking standing on if it means I take you with me if I see you as my enemy.  I’m on a quest for peace, anything that gets in the way of that or causes turmoil in my life can get the fuck out of my way or become ash, because I will go the fuck thru you. Affect my responsibilities in my life, I will accord the same respect you do to them, I don’t mind being a blunt instrum...