Dreams do come true, if only we wish hard enough. You can have anything in life if you will sacrifice everything else for it.
It's finally done.... I can look upon what's left and Realize what the last few years have done for me and what I have lost, but the truth is, the things that I have fucking gained from the last few years are not the things that i can quantify and hold in my hands... Yes there will always be a few items i leave behind for my son to speak of this this adventure I have been on, But knowing he wasn't there except in my heart for every moment of it is always going to Haunt me, that being said there are some things saved deliberately to remind him that for a moment this is what I had done, She had tried to destroy me and to make something work, like legal fees and to survive I arose from the ashes, the phoenix from the flames... Would I have chose this at this point in my life or at that point when i was at my lowest and darkest? No, but i was given an opportunity and I fucking ran with it... it is one of the reason's I am still standing and why I have had the power to never back down or surrender... but the reality is other than a few things, this is over for me and every thing left will end up standing for something... i had one last major goal to accomplish and now it's merely deciding which parts of me to keep and which parts are the past... It was a fun adventure filled with ups and downs and something I will never forget or forgive because not all of them were good... but It did have one thing in all of the chaos it proved to me... there is more to me than the predestined choices that I thought i had made before, the person I was then, the person i am now, they are different animals, but both are parts of me, both were interesting, and both are someone in the past, I have become better from the last few years and the things I have, want and Need are all different things.. and only one remains.. What I need in my life is the only thing left to accomplish.... and that's the only goal I have left.. whatever left will stand for something... but I am still standing... that's the Most Important part... that's who I am... that's who I'll always be... whatever I choose to be next.... I've always said all life is an adventure.. it still is.. but I need to accomplish that last goal.... I need to share my adventures with Him again, and that's what's been taken away... But the door has been closed on this adventure it's merely something In my past, in my rear view window, something to eventually write the book about and only be a chapter.... But My story has not Finished being written, I'm just a little older, a little angrier and a little greyer... but I'm Still here, I'm still Me. this thing, Nor the battle that remains while it has wrecked havoc upon my soul and my psyche, it's hasn't eroded either completely... I never stole from anyone, even tho many stole from me.... I never ripped anyone off, and I can Leave the game with my head held high and concentrate on better things... maybe even go back to the man i used to be.... Someday, it Might be difficult, but then again, everything in my life always has been... It hasn't stopped me before, It can't and it won't now. I won't let it, But when one thing is ending, It's to time move on and become something else, Something better. I've been promising myself I would walk away for the last year and a half and Now when I look and see the graveyard of what's left and what's been accomplished, I'm strangely Comforted by the fact that while this was worthwhile, but never my choice, I can move on from it with no real regrets, knowing it served to do the things i aimed and choose to accomplish and for the most part i had fun with it, and some memories will remain, I don't plan on looking back, I Never have before, i don't plan to now. it was fun and now it's done. End of story. Let's write another chapter.
Current Mood: Sad.
Current Music:So Far Away,Staind
To live will be an awfully big adventure.
I taught you to fight and to fly. What more could there be?
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