I stepped forward, let the door bang closed, and snarled, "Fuck subtle.
I'm Sick of being Angry about everything In my life, I do and don't see things in my fucking Life Improving, I don't know how much longer i can sit being a spectator in my life waiting on things to happen and sacrificing every little part of my life that fucking makes me, ME. every little part of me that's left is slowly becoming something else... I have made my choices in this life but i am seriously starting to reevaluate them, I don't know where i am going to be at this point of my life next year and I need to start doing what's best for myself and My survival, I don't mind sacrificing for others, but it shouldn't be fucking assumed... these are things that belong to me that maybe should go towards things that I might need to fight this bitter fucking war.. and I would like a few fucking things left over to stand to say that this was an important moment in my fucking life... it wasn't just me surviving, hell I spent a hundred Bucks for glass shelves that stay empty.... that's not important, but i shouldn't be sacrificing everything to let my wants and needs to be the only fucking thing that isn't important... when i feel like I'm being used or taken advantage of i start to withdrawn i start to think of myself.. and I start to get fucking angry.. because when it comes down to it... and I'm angry enough, in my life there will only be one fucking person standing and taking care of myself and my child, That's me... No one else.. I'm almost forty, if it has to be that way so fucking what.... I just don't like to be angry and questioning everything everything, and feeling trapped within myself... It's very easy for me to walk away, even when i want to make things work, i just can't be the person I'm expected to be all the fucking time... sick of sacrificing everything, I chose to be done with the toy thing, but there supposed to be things left over, One of these days I need for what's left to stand for something.. and it's dwindling... I'm making a choice now to keep some things, there was always some give and take when this was something I did professionally.... now I'm just feeling fucking used. the last of it shouldn't be a fucking parachute when we can't fucking budget. i have bills too....
Current Mood: Pissed Off
Current Music: Twisted Sister - The Price
“Anger is just anger. It isn't good. It isn't bad. It just is. What you do with it is what matters. It's like anything else. You can use it to build or to destroy. You just have to make the choice."
Constructive anger," the demon said, her voice dripping sarcasm.
Also known as passion," I said quietly. "Passion has overthrown tyrants and freed prisoners and slaves. Passion has brought justice where there was savagery. Passion has created freedom where there was nothing but fear. Passion has helped souls rise from the ashes of their horrible lives and build something better, stronger, more beautiful.”
Anybody can become angry — that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way — that is not within everybody's power and is not easy.
I want to say somewhere: I've tried to be forgiving. And yet. There were times in my life, whole years, when anger got the better of me. Ugliness turned me inside out. There was a certain satisfaction in bitterness. I courted it. It was standing outside, and I invited it in.
A void in my chest was beginning to fill with anger. Quiet, defeated anger that guaranteed me the right to my hurt, that believed no one could possibly understand that hurt.
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