The Only Exception.

When I walk away and never look back... That's the fucking way things are. You were the only exception to that and we had our reasons... But if you hurt me this time. We are done. I won't be looking back.

I am no one's back up plan or replacement.i refuse to be. Im just fine on my own and I have a happy life without you. You have a connection to me that will never go away, but I learned to live without you on my life once. I can learn to do it agian. I refuse to be used, emotionally or otherwise.

I've always loved you, I can't turn it on and off like you can. It fucking hurts... It will till the day I die. Maybe that's the solution. Too bad I'm not that kind of coward... Plus obviously I'm not burdening my son with that, he's had enough happen in his little life. It's not worth it too add anymore.

I'll always be here and I'll always answer the damn phone. You're my weakness and I know it. But I wish I wasn't so damn broken.

It's always going to be all or nothing with you. For once I am choosing nothing.

Comments

The Laugh Track.

I want you in my life. Don't ever fucking confuse that for needing you in my life. Those two things are mutually exclusive to each other. I'm fine with my life and it's not my freind's and my social life that I'm jealous of. We both made our choices. My life has always been an insane carnival. You were merely an extended chapter. But if you think I'm going to sit at home being sad and depressed and shutting down because your not in my life. Your delusional. Then agian we already know this. If my life is going to be a sad comedy then I'll make it a metal massacre. I'm not sitting around waiting for anyone. The least of all you. I sacrificed enough time on the altar of what might have been. I'm just enjoying the time that we have left. This way if it go out, it's on my own terms. I always told you that my funeral pyre will be a blaze of glory.. I just never told you when. Now I'm gonna live and have adventures. Remain jealous. You know how ...

The Trees.

I am really bothered by someone hurting my tree. I’m not sure the next step but that’s a living thing. I know that there is no healing when our things are still affected negatively by people. I’m not sure what the next step is but I know this is part and parcel of the entire thing and that we can’t heal when people hurt the things we care about. I don’t have much but I do have a legacy to protect and there is a place where my son needs to feel safe, and I don’t think it will ever be that house agian. But once it was home, there are good memories there. There was love. Part of that is the peace that was our tree. I’m sick of people damaging the things I love. The world needs to be better and less selfish. I need peace in mine and her lives. Even if we are separate in our lives. She needs the peace and quiet I have in my life. Even more than I do. And only one of us has it.

Father and Son.

I dont know the next step. I don't claim to. I just know I'm working to rebuild a relationship that has been fractured for many years. That includes both of you. I am here. I will always be here, I have always been here that will never change This weekend was epic and it felt right. I don't know what will happen but i do know that I am at peace with being civil and polite with your mom. It was nice to have a little adventure as a family. It felt right. It what was missing in our lives. Thank you.

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