Skip to main content

I'm Broken...


We got lost along the way... But I looked into the abyss and it fucking looked into me right back. That abyss was you... And I am never fucking coming back. That ship died a fucking Viking funeral a very long time ago.

I don't know how much time I have left but I will be damned if you're manipulation pushes me to the brink where I just want to end it all. I'm not that fucking coward and he deserves better. But you deserve nothing from Me. Not anymore.

I used to think I had something to prove, that if I made you proud of me I'd be worthy of you're love. I was deadly fucking wrong. The truth is you never deserved me.... I'm better than you and you destroyed me for it.

I'm a fucking fool for still being in love with you but at least the knife was expected this time... And this time you cut so fucking deep that you took it all away agian.

Enjoy my heart it's the last thing of mine that belongs to you.... But it's dead now.

This nostalgia trip was fun. I hope you got what you needed from it. Satisfaction, revenge whatever, you're porogative, I got what I always get... I get to feel empty. I get to be broken. I'm done feeling guilty for failing you as a husband or a lover. That's completely on you. You did this to us.

Not me. I'm just playing for it.

Till the day I die. you will haunt me, you made that perfectly clear.

Guess like everything else you've given me I'll just have to fucking learn to live with it.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

The Remedy

I am reminded when I need someone how truly alone I am in this world. Because for as much as I am the constant and the shoulder to cry on. The same respect isn’t accorded to me, obviously. It hasn’t been in years. This is why I have never and will never need you. I don’t need anyone. Especially when I am fucking hurting over a lost freind.  I hurt, I get to do that. I’m fine with that. I process and move on. I spend a couple days where I block out the world and keep going but I’m fine.  I don’t accord anyone I don’t trust or respect the time of day. It’s not about who it is. I’ll willing burn a bridge im fucking standing on if it means I take you with me if I see you as my enemy.  I’m on a quest for peace, anything that gets in the way of that or causes turmoil in my life can get the fuck out of my way or become ash, because I will go the fuck thru you. Affect my responsibilities in my life, I will accord the same respect you do to them, I don’t mind being a blunt instrum...

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions.  And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block.  I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...