The other other thing that bothers me is you settle too easy in any fight. I will never give up or surrender. That's the difference I will always fucking fight especially for him. I don't know how to do anything else but to be a warrior. The day I decided the best action was peace nearly tore me apart.
But I'd rather be fighting for you, than with you.
I'll always fight for you, even when I don't want to.
You are a small town girl with a small town mentality and that's the difference between us... I am from the big city and I travel the world just by my adventures because I will never settle. I just wish I was doing it with you. All those years wasted.
It's better to burn out than to fade away but my burn out days are long over. I just want what comes next. I was hoping it would be with you somehow.
All I know how to do is fight and defend. It's all I've ever been good at. I tried to find peace with you and walk away for good and you roped me back in. I kept my word and gave you the moment you needed... But I don't know where to go now. I am lost.
Old feelings reawakened, it sucks that I can't turn them off and I do not want them to turn to anger and hate again, I am fighting my very nature to not hate you right now... I don't want to hate you, but I know eventually that little bit of you that will always be in my heart will wither and die and I'll have only the anger and hate. I won't accept it or let it in right now. I will fight that feeling as long as I can.
I like the feeling I had recently better. Hope.
Maybe one day we will find our way together. Maybe we won't. But I'm still going to hope. I just want to stick around a while if you ever get me chance again. But I don't want to argue and fight. You're my cowgirl in the Sand. You always have been. Somewhere along the road you got so broken I don't even know I could ever fix you. I kinda want to tho. I'll keep trying.
I didn't want to hate you, I just wanted to love you. If I can't have that I'm good just not being angry...
....for now. I guess it's all I've got.
I miss Saturday mornings and weekend nights talking to you a lot. I always did.
It's been a year since you came back into my life and nothing has been accomplished except pain, at least you know where I stand at the end. Maybe one day soon things will change. Maybe they won't. But at this point it's you're decision. I'm just going to continue to move on and live my life and miss you and him terribly, every fucking day.
Current mood: sad
Current music: AIC, Down in a Hole.
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