As for this bullshit of two different lives, that's on you. I did what I had to do to survive. You never gave me that fucking choice. First as a father and later as a man. I didn't have options like you do.
I don't like how you make me feel every fucking time you walk away and you're fucking justifications are only those in you're own head. I'm always going to be here and I'm always going to stand tall, with or without you. No matter how fucking broken I am. I will stand. If it's my last shred of decency or effort I will fucking stand.
I'm just glad I'm not standing against you anymore. That time has passed. But I will never fall down and feel sorry for myself either. You chose this. You chose all of this. You're the one that constantly throws me away. I know I'm worthless to you unless you need me.
One day I won't be here to save you.
Don't worry I'm just working you out of my system and then we can go back to status quo. It's where you're safest... But I really did think you still loved me this time.
I am just working hard with a goal In Mind trying to distract from my feelings for you. There is still a long game here and maybe one day you will understand.
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