Skip to main content

Two Worlds.

As for this bullshit of two different lives, that's on you. I did what I had to do to survive. You never gave me that fucking choice. First as a father and later as a man. I didn't have options like you do.

I don't like how you make me feel every fucking time you walk away and you're fucking justifications are only those in you're own head. I'm always going to be here and I'm always going to stand tall, with or without you. No matter how fucking broken I am. I will stand. If it's my last shred of decency or effort I will fucking stand.

I'm just glad I'm not standing against you anymore. That time has passed. But I will never fall down and feel sorry for myself either. You chose this. You chose all of this. You're the one that constantly throws me away. I know I'm worthless to you unless you need me.

One day I won't be here to save you.

Don't worry I'm just working you out of my system and then we can go back to status quo. It's where you're safest... But I really did think you still loved me this time.

I am just working hard with a goal In Mind trying to distract from my feelings for you. There is still a long game here and maybe one day you will understand.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

The Laugh Track.

  I want you in my life. Don't ever fucking confuse that for needing you in my life. Those two things are mutually exclusive to each other. I'm fine with my life and it's not my freind's and my social life that I'm jealous of. We both made our choices. My life has always been an insane carnival. You were merely an extended chapter. But if you think I'm going to sit at home being sad and depressed and shutting down because your not in my life. Your delusional. Then agian we already know this. If my life is going to be a sad comedy then I'll make it a metal massacre. I'm not sitting around waiting for anyone. The least of all you.  I sacrificed enough time on the altar of what might have been. I'm just enjoying the time that we have left. This way if it go out, it's on my own terms. I always told you that my funeral pyre will be a blaze of glory.. I just never told you when.  Now I'm gonna live and have adventures. Remain jealous. You know how ...

51.

Happy birthday.  Hope you are happy and enjoying yourself. I like that we are civil and communicating but i also think you need to take some introspective time and decide the next step. I want you to be happy whether or not I am a part of your life. And i am trying very hard to be. Today, this weekend. I just want to talk to you, hear you laugh..maybe even see you smile. Thats all i want. For you to enjoy your day and hear happy Birthday from me and my son. Thats all you need..to know you are loved. Happy Birthday Baby. You are always loved. No matter what. Unconditional.