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One Last Battle....


....and its with myself. I know that I am better when I set a goal. Even if it's a fucking pipe dream... It's the only dream I've had for the last two decades. I will fight for you, one last time. I have something to prove, it's the only thing left to prove actually. I need to do this to be whole. To not have that big what if question in my head about what could have been, what was sucked. I need to do this because I do love you and he needs to know that, you need to know that. I will always feel the exact same way. I wish things were simpler then and I could have been the man u really wanted. I'm that man now, I'll prove it to you.

I burnt a lot of bridges to my old life because I figured that you were more important... And some of those bridges I poured gasoline on were 100% correct... I'm not over you, I will never be over you. Anyone else I'm with is a fucking placeholder for who I truly want to be with. You.

I don't think I can ever move past this emotion. What scares me is that I don't think I want to anymore. I'd rather love you in silence without reciprocation knowing that the one last sacrifice was made rather than doubt myself the rest of my fucking life.... 

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