Skip to main content

Pride.


How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on when in your heart, you begin to understand... there is no going back? There are some things that time cannot mend... some hurts that go too deep... that have taken hold.

I hate that I'm stubborn and that I have my pride. I miss you every fucking moment of my existence but as usual when you wound me it cuts deep and I won't just admit my feelings and sadness to you, I'll choose the hard way and only make contact in drunken moments or ones that matter. I want to randomly tell you I fucking miss you and see if matters but it's hard for me to do that when even after all these years you cast me aside. I kinda understand it, that's why I'm doing the things I'm doing right now, my silent action plan. But it still hurts.

Maybe one day we will find our way, maybe one day soon after I do something either epic or completely stupid, but that's me and the stubbornness and the pride, if it's gotta be you're way or the highway, I'll be the fork in the fucking road causing the truck to jackknife. I'm not going to ever choose the easy way. I'm going to do things the hard way.

Win or fucking lose,I'll know I stood on my own two feet when it comes to you.

Always.

.....and I'll always be there for you to. No matter how we feel about each other.

I'm just glad that whatever this is now, on my part there is no trace of anger or hate or war. I've made peace with all that. There is just something missing in my heart, something you've reawakened, I wish you hadn't. I wish I had not let you in. But I did... So this is where I stand... Too proud to tell you how I really feel, and I need a moment for the way I'm going to fight.

I love you and you hurt me, constantly. I don't know if it's just a game or if it's an indication of how deeply broken that we are that we cling to each other for security. I'll let you hurt me because whatever the hell this love is, it's the best thing I've ever known.

I just want you to be happy, I just wish it was with me.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.
Post a Comment
Read more

Fall Of Cybertron III: Where’s Poochie.

It is very easy for me to fade away and just get bored of other people and politics when games are played. I’m not even fucking blinking when someone else who I’ve done things for, constantly for months with no rewards suddenly forgets I exist. That’s real easy for me to fucking deal with. Con politics, games, asshole people that don’t pay there Fuckin promises from day one? Don’t call my number.  I stepped away from this shit once on my own. I have no fucking problem doing it again. I feel used and betrayed, but for me it was a Tuesday. I suspect jealousy and politics but I also know when to stick a fork in something when it’s done. I’ve got no interest being around anyone that doesn’t want me involved in there little cliques. I mean this thing was fun but from day one it was political. I don’t need stress and drama in my life. I can hang up my Wizard robe and move the fuck on. I did a great job of it on my own anyways. I don’t look amateur hour like the rest of them. And I no lon...
Post a Comment
Read more

Serpent's Kiss.

I pass in and out of peoples lives. sometimes i wonder why they come back. sometimes i wonder if the issue is me. i do grand things and i back up my plans and words and maybe sometimes thats too much for some. but all i have ever asked from those that i love is honesty. i don't care if things fall apart. all i need is the truth.  I'm getting to the point i don't trust fucking anyone. and being betrayed by those that are at best fairweather fucking friends when im not exactly finacally fucking stable.  there are reasons i keep my circle small and those i truly trust even closer. it takes a lot to be a part of my life and and i am seriously considering withdrawing from some of my social activities again because it seems like the last couple years they just turn to shit and all i am doing is losing money. i have stopped caring about a lot of people in the past and it can be real fuckin easy for me to walk away from agian. id rather work on the relationships both old and new th...
Post a Comment
Read more