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The Loneliness of the Long Distance Runner


I have a plan, it's gonna take a minute but I think it's important to do. It's time for the long road to end.

I don't think our story will ever end. God knows I've tried to move past but it's never took. I can't put you in the rear view mirror. It's even worse in this pandemic because I worry about both of you every single day. You are my heart, you always will be.


Things have changed. I just wish you had the patience to wait rather than demanding everything  right away. Maybe this time I'll be able to do things ahead of time so you no longer doubt yourself.

You hurt me this one last time... Even after you destroyed my life multiple times I let you in agian and agian. And still you hurt me. The worst part about this time is that you lied to me agian when I was going to make a huge change in all of our lives... I'm still going to do it, and on the same schedule.... But that's because I want to. Because I've always wanted to. It'll be here when you're ready.

It'll be here when I trust you again. That's gonna take some time.

Maybe we needed this time and this particular break for me to get my life and income in order. Things have changed. Maybe this time whether it be a moment, a month or just another year... I'll have everything in order and I can change things. Maybe it'll be enough. Maybe it won't be. But that's for you to decide, I'm not going to change the things I need to do at this moment because I have something to prove to you... But more than that I have something to prove to myself... If this is real... I need to have that reminder every day until you decide the same.

I'm hurting right now, I don't want this feeling to fade even if it fucking hurts me. I'd rather love you from afar and hurt than be angry or fighting or have you hate me.

We are both damaged. That's why this works and doesn't work. But I know it's why feelings are complicated even this long after our initial relationship.

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