I want you and I love you, but at some fucking point it needs to have an ending and I need to step off this emotional rollercoaster. The subway stop it lands on or crashed into is all up to you at the moment however. But one day that may change.
You know my preference for self destruction, it's almost as powerful as yours. Yet you are still standing here with and without me. That needs to change.
You're reality is you hold the keys and the door to this. I have no fucking illusions that anything I do affects any of that except possibly your decisions. But I know that I control my own path and my own decisions. Always.
I can't come over to you, you have to come over to me. You're just not ready yet.
I only move forward, I don't go back. I won't wait and I won't bother with anyone that doesn't want to 100% be in my fucking life, you, others... anyone.
I feel bad for the argument we had on my birthday, but you just made things clearer in my mind when we had an argument about saying I love you. The fact I wasn't single and had someone else hollow telling me that she loved me after the first kiss yet is already gone is the reason I will fight you so passionately on shit. Because I do love you, I just don't like you very fucking much most of the time because if you're fucking actions, and I will never take a step back when it comes to dealing with you.
I will always face forward. And I will never apologize... even when I want to. And I don't expect you either.
You know I consider it a sign of weakness, stand you're ground or don't stand at all. Hollow apologies to the other person are just as hollow as fake I love you.
The problem is, our I love you to each other's aren't fake. And our arguments are The realest shit ever.
We fight and scratch and bleed with each other because there's more underneath. There always will be.
But I can't come to you, you have to come to me. That's always going to the line in the sand that's been drawn.
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