1000 Times Goodbye.

I want you and I love you, but at some fucking point it needs to have an ending and I need to step off this emotional rollercoaster. The subway stop it lands on or crashed into is all up to you at the moment however. But one day that may change.

You know my preference for self destruction, it's almost as powerful as yours. Yet you are still standing here with and without me. That needs to change.

You're reality is you hold the keys and the door to this. I have no fucking illusions that anything I do affects any of that except possibly your decisions. But I know that I control my own path and my own decisions. Always.

I can't come over to you, you have to come over to me. You're just not ready yet.

I only move forward, I don't go back. I won't wait and I won't bother with anyone that doesn't want to 100% be in my fucking life, you, others... anyone.

I feel bad for the argument we had on my birthday, but you just made things clearer in my mind when we had an argument about saying I love you. The fact I wasn't single and had someone else hollow telling me that she loved me after the first kiss yet is already gone is the reason I will fight you so passionately on shit. Because I do love you, I just don't like you very fucking much most of the time because if you're fucking actions, and I will never take a step back when it comes to dealing with you.

I will always face forward. And I will never apologize... even when I want to. And I don't expect you either.

You know I consider it a sign of weakness, stand you're ground or don't stand at all. Hollow apologies to the other person are just as hollow as fake I love you.

The problem is, our I love you to each other's aren't fake. And our arguments are The realest shit ever.

We fight and scratch and bleed with each other because there's more underneath. There always will be.

But I can't come to you, you have to come to me. That's always going to the line in the sand that's been drawn.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Fall Of Cybertron III: Where’s Poochie.

It is very easy for me to fade away and just get bored of other people and politics when games are played. I’m not even fucking blinking when someone else who I’ve done things for, constantly for months with no rewards suddenly forgets I exist. That’s real easy for me to fucking deal with. Con politics, games, asshole people that don’t pay there Fuckin promises from day one? Don’t call my number. I stepped away from this shit once on my own. I have no fucking problem doing it again. I feel used and betrayed, but for me it was a Tuesday. I suspect jealousy and politics but I also know when to stick a fork in something when it’s done. I’ve got no interest being around anyone that doesn’t want me involved in there little cliques. I mean this thing was fun but from day one it was political. I don’t need stress and drama in my life. I can hang up my Wizard robe and move the fuck on. I did a great job of it on my own anyways. I don’t look amateur hour like the rest of them. And I no longer

Fuel Injected Suicide Machine.

Pissing me off is never a good fucking option. I have a life and I don’t need to make fucking sacrifices for anyone if I choose not to. I’m getting real fed up with simply being expected to do and arrange things so someone else can have a fucking escape. This is starting to become a fucking pattern in my life. Some I choose to do for, but others, when I’m starting to notice a fucking pattern? I’m gone. I will always be gone. The fact I have yet to step foot in England when I have a secondary place to stay should speak volumes in terms of this freindship and how it’s no longer even. I’m sick of things only being halfway when I’m trying with certain fucking people and I can bail and close ranks and not give a flying fuck about anyone anymore when I’m not being treated with respect esp. given to mine and my brothers financial situation. I don’t mind making sacrifices but I’m still going to make sure that my main fucking priorities are taken care of. I’m not going to pretend to keep th

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