Just because there is forgiveness, doesn't mean I have forgotten what has been taken away and lost, you broke us, as a family, that was always on you, that was always you're choice. I think finally I am willing to move past it, and I think in this moment so are you, but I will never forget that it happened and how much precious time you took away from us both, you got those moments I did not, that's the frustrating part. When I needed to be there for him you didn't allow to be there, I shouldn't have been anywhere but by both of your sides... We need to fix whatever we were to be whatever we are, it's gonna take time, I hold no illusions to a happy ending not anymore.. I'm just trying
To figure out my way in this world
And if it includes you, I think it
Might.
Might.
I have lived my life fast and loud and never answered to anyone for far too long, I know that I am larger than life... But I also know that moment might be ending because it's no longer the moment I want, maybe there is still something in front of me that is more important and more precious, I just need to figure out how to get there,
You know I won't chase, crawl or beg you to be part of my life, I don't do the persuing, you will know exactly where I stand and once that is done... Win or lose, I'm fucking happy to walk away, I have this one
Moment to change things and see where I stand with you, but I haven't forgotten what has been lost... What we have taken away in moments of anger and hate, all those emotions have faded away... But... Lingering ones remain. The good emotions, the ones we were meant to have. They are stronger. I think we hated each other so strongly because of how much we loved each other.
That's the emotion I want to fucking win out at the end of the day, that's the only one I have left to give:
I'll take this chance rather than wondering if it was the only opening we are going to have, there is only so much hurt and pain we can inflict on one in one lifetime, there has to be something more, this moment has to have some meaning. Or what's the fucking point.
We always we're the ones to choose the long road, nothing's came easy for us but all the old concerns and things that kept us apart have long since faded away, old arguments seem so futile, the little things that divided us so simple, so unimportant in comparison to the crushing weight of the world, that's our fate.
I'd rather not have you face the rest if it alone. We have always done everything on our own terms or not at all, I wonder this late in the adventure if it's not time to continue together.
When we met I was but a child, barely older than our son is now, that boy loved you, this man still does.
I'm having trouble writing the letter I promised, I thought it would be easier once I was at peace with whatever came, but it's more difficult, It was easier to write you all the letters that I burned or otherwise destroyed when I was angry in my mind, now that I am completely at peace it's difficult to put the words to paper, they are there in my mind, but I am afraid, once they are written they are a promise, a better tomorrow or a worse a broken promise like all the others I used to give you, it's a heavy weight to bear... I want to move forward but I don't want to affect you or hurt you anymore, the time for vengeance or anger is long past... I just want us to be a family, I just want us to be happy and in each other's lives, whatever the hell that means.
I do wonder about some of the fucking moments we have lost, and bad choices along the way. I'm there now, maybe that's the only option in this day and age. Just being there now. I am afraid of what comes next, that's why I'm doing it. We need to know where we stand with each other.
Happy anniversary babe, where we go now is the great unknown, but I'm not looking behind, I'm just wanting whatever's left. If there is a place for us still the near future will reveal it. That's the only consideration. That's all the heart I got left inside me now. I've got a million things to say to you but I don't know if I have all the words... Guess we will have to find out.
The fact you do understand the institionunalization means a lot to me, I know why you understand it, it's because you've had to grow up with it as part of you're life as much as I have had it be part of my life. Bit I think that's part of what makes us complicated, confusing and something that stretches across decades.
It's never going be easy any path I choose to take with you. It never has been. But I'm willing to try.
I stare drinking at you're photograph some nights. I shouldn't miss you but I still do. You're a scar that doesn't heal in my life and I think that the feeling is mutual. I wish it would. Maybe one day it will. Maybe one day we will be together agian. Maybe not. Not sure that it matters, at least whatever this emotion it is, it's honest.
I'll take my chances now because I know that I will not be playing this game when I am fifty. This is the last chance. Win or lose I am at peace with the outcome. No more chess game. lay it all out on the table and see where we go from here. That's all I want, that's all that is left.
To figure out my way in this world
And if it includes you, I think it
Might.
Might.
I have lived my life fast and loud and never answered to anyone for far too long, I know that I am larger than life... But I also know that moment might be ending because it's no longer the moment I want, maybe there is still something in front of me that is more important and more precious, I just need to figure out how to get there,
You know I won't chase, crawl or beg you to be part of my life, I don't do the persuing, you will know exactly where I stand and once that is done... Win or lose, I'm fucking happy to walk away, I have this one
Moment to change things and see where I stand with you, but I haven't forgotten what has been lost... What we have taken away in moments of anger and hate, all those emotions have faded away... But... Lingering ones remain. The good emotions, the ones we were meant to have. They are stronger. I think we hated each other so strongly because of how much we loved each other.
That's the emotion I want to fucking win out at the end of the day, that's the only one I have left to give:
I'll take this chance rather than wondering if it was the only opening we are going to have, there is only so much hurt and pain we can inflict on one in one lifetime, there has to be something more, this moment has to have some meaning. Or what's the fucking point.
We always we're the ones to choose the long road, nothing's came easy for us but all the old concerns and things that kept us apart have long since faded away, old arguments seem so futile, the little things that divided us so simple, so unimportant in comparison to the crushing weight of the world, that's our fate.
I'd rather not have you face the rest if it alone. We have always done everything on our own terms or not at all, I wonder this late in the adventure if it's not time to continue together.
When we met I was but a child, barely older than our son is now, that boy loved you, this man still does.
I'm having trouble writing the letter I promised, I thought it would be easier once I was at peace with whatever came, but it's more difficult, It was easier to write you all the letters that I burned or otherwise destroyed when I was angry in my mind, now that I am completely at peace it's difficult to put the words to paper, they are there in my mind, but I am afraid, once they are written they are a promise, a better tomorrow or a worse a broken promise like all the others I used to give you, it's a heavy weight to bear... I want to move forward but I don't want to affect you or hurt you anymore, the time for vengeance or anger is long past... I just want us to be a family, I just want us to be happy and in each other's lives, whatever the hell that means.
I do wonder about some of the fucking moments we have lost, and bad choices along the way. I'm there now, maybe that's the only option in this day and age. Just being there now. I am afraid of what comes next, that's why I'm doing it. We need to know where we stand with each other.
Happy anniversary babe, where we go now is the great unknown, but I'm not looking behind, I'm just wanting whatever's left. If there is a place for us still the near future will reveal it. That's the only consideration. That's all the heart I got left inside me now. I've got a million things to say to you but I don't know if I have all the words... Guess we will have to find out.
The fact you do understand the institionunalization means a lot to me, I know why you understand it, it's because you've had to grow up with it as part of you're life as much as I have had it be part of my life. Bit I think that's part of what makes us complicated, confusing and something that stretches across decades.
It's never going be easy any path I choose to take with you. It never has been. But I'm willing to try.
I stare drinking at you're photograph some nights. I shouldn't miss you but I still do. You're a scar that doesn't heal in my life and I think that the feeling is mutual. I wish it would. Maybe one day it will. Maybe one day we will be together agian. Maybe not. Not sure that it matters, at least whatever this emotion it is, it's honest.
I'll take my chances now because I know that I will not be playing this game when I am fifty. This is the last chance. Win or lose I am at peace with the outcome. No more chess game. lay it all out on the table and see where we go from here. That's all I want, that's all that is left.
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