I'm not sitting on our corner tonight either. Even though for the last nine months all I have done is drop hints that I would be. That's you're choice. You haven't given me a reason to there and I will only ever try this trick Once. You haven't earned it yet.
Then agian I always expected this to take years, our deal spans generations, that's very clear, 2 decades already of whatever the hell we are. One day there will be an endgame. Maybe one day I will go home but we still aren't there yet. That's on you, the doors open for when you want it.
Last year I had hope and patience and was expecting things to change. Now I know that things won't change until the moment you are ready, and yet somehow I'll still be standing here ready and waiting.
However the grandstand moves are done for a little while, I can't put effort into pipe dreams. I will wait but I will do the things in my life that make my life almost whole. Because the truth is without you, I am not complete... but I've learned to live with that fact.
There are other reasons blurring the lines too, but the reality is I am not fucking waiting forever either. I have set a timeline. It may be on you're terms but it will always be at the end my fucking decision and I'm not ready to make that yet.
Maybe one day we'll get back together, maybe one day we will fix this, maybe one day I can cone home...
...till then it's still a long road home.
The fact that I know exactly how you feel about me and that I know how you'd be affected if I was gone makes this day even more bittersweet.
If you fucking feel that way why do you always fucking push me away? Because it's a defence mechanism? Because you want to wait till a moment?
I don't know anymore and while you're predictable, I'm not. And maybe it's time for my actions regarding you to change.
For whatever the hell its supposed to be happy 21st anniversary babe.
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