I planned this moment for the last sixteen years, and because of the virus and you're fucking behaviours it didn't go as planned. I don't know where to go from here. I don't know the next step.
I'm not good at keeping contact with people. My tried and true response is to fucking run. I can isolate myself from anyone and walk away. For once I don't want to, for once I have to be here... And that's the moment you choose to fade away... It's all about you,it's always going to be about you, you're needs. Not mine. There's no illusions or questions there.
I just choose to try and fight agian, it's not like there is any else out there for me. You helped ruin that. It's not completely you're fault, but you did have a fucking hand in. Don't forgot that.
I don't know why I'm considering moving back to niagara... There's nothing left here, there's nothing left in Windsor. The only good memories that are left are the ones from the place that caused the most fucking pain. I just don't know what to think or do. Miss mindfuck has saw to that the last year. And there still are emotions, I'm not sure mine are there. But I'm not willing to constantly be played like a Ping pong ball.
I do know that the moments when I was most myself and most at peace were another lifetime ago. I didn't have the drama and bullshit that persists in my life in Hamilton I had in niagara. It was something more pure. I just had you and/or our son. It's worth some consideration going back to that. With or without you.
Every step since that has brought me pain. Some of which you caused. I mean what was the point of going to school when all it did as destroy me? I have nothing. I'm fine with that actually. At the end of the day we both know how I got here.
Some of the old emotion remains, but it is tempered by anger and hate. I have forgiven, I haven't forgotten. We need peace, especially if we are going to remain talking... But... I know exactly where I stand. I'm not against you, but my biggest interest is always going to be the well being of my son, and knowing that the both of you are safe. But I don't want to fight with you anymore, or against you.
So no more mind games... Or I'll fade the fuck away.
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