Running To The Edge of The World.

I planned this moment for the last sixteen years, and because of the virus and you're fucking behaviours it didn't go as planned. I don't know where to go from here. I don't know the next step.

I'm not good at keeping contact with people. My tried and true response is to fucking run. I can isolate myself from anyone and walk away. For once I don't want to, for once I have to be here... And that's the moment you choose to fade away... It's all about you,it's always going to be about you, you're needs. Not mine. There's no illusions or questions there.

I just choose to try and fight agian, it's not like there is any else out there for me. You helped ruin that. It's not completely you're fault, but you did have a fucking hand in. Don't forgot that.

I don't know why I'm considering moving back to niagara... There's nothing left here, there's nothing left in Windsor. The only good memories that are left are the ones from the place that caused the most fucking pain. I just don't know what to think or do. Miss mindfuck has saw to that the last year. And there still are emotions, I'm not sure mine are there. But I'm not willing to constantly be played like a Ping pong ball.

I do know that the moments when I was most myself and most at peace were another lifetime ago. I didn't have the drama and bullshit that persists in my life in Hamilton I had in niagara. It was something more pure. I just had you and/or our son. It's worth some consideration going back to that. With or without you.

Every step since that has brought me pain. Some of which you caused. I mean what was the point of going to school when all it did as destroy me? I have nothing. I'm fine with that actually. At the end of the day we both know how I got here.

Some of the old emotion remains, but it is tempered by anger and hate. I have forgiven, I haven't forgotten. We need peace, especially if we are going to remain talking... But... I know exactly where I stand. I'm not against you, but my biggest interest is always going to be the well being of my son, and knowing that the both of you are safe. But I don't want to fight with you anymore, or against you.

So no more mind games... Or I'll fade the fuck away.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Fall Of Cybertron III: Where’s Poochie.

It is very easy for me to fade away and just get bored of other people and politics when games are played. I’m not even fucking blinking when someone else who I’ve done things for, constantly for months with no rewards suddenly forgets I exist. That’s real easy for me to fucking deal with. Con politics, games, asshole people that don’t pay there Fuckin promises from day one? Don’t call my number. I stepped away from this shit once on my own. I have no fucking problem doing it again. I feel used and betrayed, but for me it was a Tuesday. I suspect jealousy and politics but I also know when to stick a fork in something when it’s done. I’ve got no interest being around anyone that doesn’t want me involved in there little cliques. I mean this thing was fun but from day one it was political. I don’t need stress and drama in my life. I can hang up my Wizard robe and move the fuck on. I did a great job of it on my own anyways. I don’t look amateur hour like the rest of them. And I no longer

Fuel Injected Suicide Machine.

Pissing me off is never a good fucking option. I have a life and I don’t need to make fucking sacrifices for anyone if I choose not to. I’m getting real fed up with simply being expected to do and arrange things so someone else can have a fucking escape. This is starting to become a fucking pattern in my life. Some I choose to do for, but others, when I’m starting to notice a fucking pattern? I’m gone. I will always be gone. The fact I have yet to step foot in England when I have a secondary place to stay should speak volumes in terms of this freindship and how it’s no longer even. I’m sick of things only being halfway when I’m trying with certain fucking people and I can bail and close ranks and not give a flying fuck about anyone anymore when I’m not being treated with respect esp. given to mine and my brothers financial situation. I don’t mind making sacrifices but I’m still going to make sure that my main fucking priorities are taken care of. I’m not going to pretend to keep th

Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

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