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From Hell With Love

 



I am not everything good that you want in you’re relationships without having me, but I am everything good that is myself. I don’t need you to define me, that’s the difference between is, you’re co dependent shit, you either need to be with me or against me, I just need to be myself. That’s always been all I needed, but I want you as an extension of myself... I desperately want that, but I’m not going to sacrifice myself to that black hole for that... I’ll be perfectly fine on my own.


You need the controlling intense intimidating version of me you’re life because that’s my dominating personality and it’ll never change because it’s also the protective, never surrendering, compassionate tactical side of me, I do think ten moves ahead on everything... even me and you, and I will be there to be at you’re side in crisis, I just shouldn’t have to be... but I’m not going to change because you need me to be me... and you need me to show my son how to be a man... you’ve raised him soft, he needs my hard edge and you fucking know it.


I will always love you, that’s doesn’t mean I have to be ok with it, esp when there are moments you indirectly or directly hurt me, some I don’t think you realize and other times I think it’s willful damage so that you can be constantly forgiven.


I don’t and will never live in you’re reality because of who you are and the cracked rose coloured glasses you will never acknowledge that you’re reality is not the one normal people live in. It’s the one that’s in you’re mind. And I’m simply a fucking part of that, I can live with you, but I can’t and I fucking won’t live with you’re delusional reality, not only am I the only the only constant only in your life, I am the only motherfucking thing that keeps you grounded in this life, and you goddamn well know it.


You hurt me and you don’t even realize this time how deep you cut my heart with the dagger, but you’re selfish and I’m not convenient for you yet...I’m still the second choice and the back up plan... I’m not going to tell you how fucking wrong you are about that.


You know what’s waiting, but that shiny piece of glass is a piece of my fucking heart and it is not a fucking pawn to be used to throw in the face of someone you are angry at, that’s a promise that one day it will be alright but I’m sure pretty fucking angry that you tried to use it as a tool to gain an advantage in an argument with someone who is fucking beneath you.... someone who is a piece of shit that doesn’t deserve you and should never have been around my son... but let’s not discuss all the pieces of shit you’ve had around around my son and the likelihood that you destroyed my life because one of those pieces of shit abused my son.... 

and yet I fucking forgave you, 


It is true I put you on a pedestal even now, but you do a good damn job of taking a sledgehammer to that pedestal constantly, I have nothing to prove to you, not anymore....


You have plenty to prove to me.

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