I think I am ready this time if you walk away again for you to do it, it’s been a long time since I’ve been able to say that. But I think it’s time for my independence to shine thru like the falling fucking supernova star that I am, I don’t need you in my life, I will never fucking need you in my life. I want you in my life but I am fucking done sacrificing myself at the altar of hope for you to always break it down.
I’ll be fine with walking away again. I’ve always been best as the lone fucking wolf anyways.
It hasn’t been right for over 20 years and it’s been almost 17 years since it was at least what it was supposed to be. You have you’re ring, it’s been here for over a year... you know my next few chess moves. It’s you’re decision where we go next.
I may love you but I don’t do hot and cold and I don’t like when I feel like I’m being hidden as a moment in you’re life, and even more than that you’re using me as a back up plan because you’ve made mistakes and failed as a partner and as a parent.... you need me I’m there, and I think we are getting there.
But you’re world shouldn’t be crumbling for you to want me back in you’re life every time... I may catch you, but I’m nobody’s hero. I don’t save people. I destroy them, most notably myself.
I am sick of this life as a back up
Plan or a second option. I am neither. I hate that it’s the current status quo where you think I’ll always be there.
I want you in my life, but if this weekend wasn’t obvious. I don’t fucking need you, I never will. I choose my friends and my interesting life over you’re drama.
My life will not reach to you. You have to come over to me.
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