Skip to main content

Pawns.

 




I am not a pawn agianst you’re chess game agianst some other idiot in you’re life. This is our life, we are not chess pieces in you’re live life’s game... and suddenly the grass is fucking greener on the other side.


The behaviours and drama begins to be circular. I am at peace. You need me in you’re life more than I need you in mine. But I am always the one you fall back in love with, so stop trying to fill whatever I left you missing with with dirtbags and be mine...


One day the chess board will shatter.., it’ll be over. One of us will be gone and the other will be wracked with regret.


The rules have fucking changed, we have reached another marker in how we treat each other, because I will no longer tolerate you’re bullshit. I have a plan of the way I will do things, and you either come along for the fucking ride or you stop getting off and on the bus ride we call each other’s lives, I’m fine without you btw, but I’m sick of being hurt when you want me to rescue you from scum that are lower than me on the totem pole, you need to make choices that are better for yourself and my son, you are fucking failing!!!!


Pushing and alienating me away again would be a bad choice. One day I will walk away and that will be it. You are lucky I made a fucking plan that covers years, but you are two years into that plan you don’t have much time left... One day my patience it just Stops. I know what day that will be, do you?

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Laugh Track.

  I want you in my life. Don't ever fucking confuse that for needing you in my life. Those two things are mutually exclusive to each other. I'm fine with my life and it's not my freind's and my social life that I'm jealous of. We both made our choices. My life has always been an insane carnival. You were merely an extended chapter. But if you think I'm going to sit at home being sad and depressed and shutting down because your not in my life. Your delusional. Then agian we already know this. If my life is going to be a sad comedy then I'll make it a metal massacre. I'm not sitting around waiting for anyone. The least of all you.  I sacrificed enough time on the altar of what might have been. I'm just enjoying the time that we have left. This way if it go out, it's on my own terms. I always told you that my funeral pyre will be a blaze of glory.. I just never told you when.  Now I'm gonna live and have adventures. Remain jealous. You know how ...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Trees.

  I am really bothered by someone hurting my tree. I’m not sure the next step but that’s a living thing. I know that there is no healing when our things are still affected negatively by people. I’m not sure what the next step is but I know this is part and parcel of the entire thing and that we can’t heal when people hurt the things we care about.  I don’t have much but I do have a legacy to protect and there is a place where my son needs to feel safe, and I don’t think it will ever be that house agian. But once it was home, there are good memories there. There was love.  Part of that is the peace that was our tree. I’m sick of people damaging the things I love.  The world needs to be better and less selfish. I need peace in mine and her lives. Even if we are separate in our lives. She needs the peace and quiet I have in my life. Even more than I do.  And only one of us has it. 
Post a Comment
Read more

Return To The Abyss.

If anyone thinks they can take advantage of me and the people I care about, they are sadly mistaken. I walk away from people I love because of their bullshit. Someone who is merely there in my life? Yeah, I’m fucking out. I don’t need emotional vampires that suck me dry in my life. I will walk away from anything and everything at this point. I no longer give a damn about anything other than myself when it comes to your opinion.  This decision and many others have been a long fucking time coming and to be honest I’m better off doing my own thing alone and solo. Because it’s better off for all involved. There’s still a temper and there is still the old me hidden underneath this attempt at seeking peace. I’m not a nice guy, I’ve never claimed to be a nice guy. And I’m not keeping my fucking mouth shut.  No one fucking uses me, Period. And thats all I’ve felt I’ve been over the last few years. By a number of people in my professional life and my personal life. So maybe at this mom...
Post a Comment
Read more