It’s not supposed to be like this

It’s not supposed to be like this. Theses are you’re choices not mine, you choose to continuously hurt me and push me away. You’re not allowed to keep picking at the scab of the old wound that you self inflicted on the both of us....you will constantly betray me, that’s in you’re nature. Trust me I understand that part.

You’re actions and behaviour make it easier each time to walk away and to keep walking away, you have nothing to ground me to your life anymore. Any further involvement is a choice for the both of us.

The fact that there is a love and hate dynamic between us doesn’t mean that you don’t look in the mirror every morning and hate yourself for how everything turned out more than anything for how things turned out, that is one of the things I know. Even at our worst of hating each other, we always hated ourselves more.

The games you play and person you are sometimes being lately is not someone I have any interest being with, and even less being that person or an extension of that person and behaviour. I’ll just be me instead.

You’re so fucking oblivious to reasons that you anger me, no wonder it crumbled when we were young. You will never change, and I, I refuse to. You need me at my most intense and intimidating because at my core that’s the passionate man that fucking loves you, but he has a temper and a jealous streak a mile long, and when I’m betrayed I will remember it.

You were forgiven, not forgotten. Remember that.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Fall Of Cybertron III: Where’s Poochie.

It is very easy for me to fade away and just get bored of other people and politics when games are played. I’m not even fucking blinking when someone else who I’ve done things for, constantly for months with no rewards suddenly forgets I exist. That’s real easy for me to fucking deal with. Con politics, games, asshole people that don’t pay there Fuckin promises from day one? Don’t call my number. I stepped away from this shit once on my own. I have no fucking problem doing it again. I feel used and betrayed, but for me it was a Tuesday. I suspect jealousy and politics but I also know when to stick a fork in something when it’s done. I’ve got no interest being around anyone that doesn’t want me involved in there little cliques. I mean this thing was fun but from day one it was political. I don’t need stress and drama in my life. I can hang up my Wizard robe and move the fuck on. I did a great job of it on my own anyways. I don’t look amateur hour like the rest of them. And I no lon...

Serpent's Kiss.

I pass in and out of peoples lives. sometimes i wonder why they come back. sometimes i wonder if the issue is me. i do grand things and i back up my plans and words and maybe sometimes thats too much for some. but all i have ever asked from those that i love is honesty. i don't care if things fall apart. all i need is the truth. I'm getting to the point i don't trust fucking anyone. and being betrayed by those that are at best fairweather fucking friends when im not exactly finacally fucking stable. there are reasons i keep my circle small and those i truly trust even closer. it takes a lot to be a part of my life and and i am seriously considering withdrawing from some of my social activities again because it seems like the last couple years they just turn to shit and all i am doing is losing money. i have stopped caring about a lot of people in the past and it can be real fuckin easy for me to walk away from agian. id rather work on the relationships both old and new th...

Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

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