It’s not supposed to be like this

It’s not supposed to be like this. Theses are you’re choices not mine, you choose to continuously hurt me and push me away. You’re not allowed to keep picking at the scab of the old wound that you self inflicted on the both of us....you will constantly betray me, that’s in you’re nature. Trust me I understand that part.

You’re actions and behaviour make it easier each time to walk away and to keep walking away, you have nothing to ground me to your life anymore. Any further involvement is a choice for the both of us.

The fact that there is a love and hate dynamic between us doesn’t mean that you don’t look in the mirror every morning and hate yourself for how everything turned out more than anything for how things turned out, that is one of the things I know. Even at our worst of hating each other, we always hated ourselves more.

The games you play and person you are sometimes being lately is not someone I have any interest being with, and even less being that person or an extension of that person and behaviour. I’ll just be me instead.

You’re so fucking oblivious to reasons that you anger me, no wonder it crumbled when we were young. You will never change, and I, I refuse to. You need me at my most intense and intimidating because at my core that’s the passionate man that fucking loves you, but he has a temper and a jealous streak a mile long, and when I’m betrayed I will remember it.

You were forgiven, not forgotten. Remember that.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Bad Man.

I am not a good man, I tell people straight out that I’m not a good person. I know I’m toxic. But I embrace being the villain and being the bad guy. Being feared is better than being loved because at least that way you respect me. When it comes to someone I care about and have a responsibility to, I will always choose them over others fucking bullshit and drama. This isn’t a choice. This is my life. Period. I live it every damn day. I’m not Making any other choices. I will always choose those that I care about over people that are merely in orbit in my life and if you give me a reason to fucking doubt you? I will give u a reason to fucking fear me. I’m just fed up, my world doesn’t need complications. My peace and my piece of mind doesn’t need complications. I have enough of those I struggle against in my personal life. This is the end game, and the end times. I deserve to be fucking happy. No one is getting in the fucking way of that. Period.

The Dying False King.

I am a ghost and a spectre in a lot of peoples lives that I have touched. Some I shouldn’t be, and some I have willingly walked away for my own mental health. I’m starting to get to that point with many things in my life agian. I thought it would be easier to live a simple life and just have fun but I think it’s harder than when I worked my face off as a father. At least then my enemies didn’t pretend to be my freinds and the world wasn’t falling apart slowly. Just my world. I think I prefer whatever that was then compared to what the world is now. I have my own life and adventures and I don’t need anyone that doesn’t want or need to be in my life. I have fun with what I do and don’t let negative sources affect my life. If you’re gonna drag me down, I’ll be gone. That’s how it works. You’re not going to disturb my fucking peace. That’s what the metal shows are for. That is anger’s release. Plus to have fun.

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