I don’t care. That’s the biggest problem. I will put up a wall to defend myself and never let you in again. It worked years before and I focused on other things. I can do the same now. In fact I choose to. That’s the kind of animal I am.
It means everything to tell you that I am at peace and that I don’t allow fucking drama to enter my life. You chose it, you are still choosing it and when I am the shelter from the storm that should tell you everything you absolutely need to know.
You stay and allow yourself to be hurt and damaged because it’s familiarity. I leave because I get bored in one situation and I need new adventures. I’m never going to live my life sitting still. But I would never stay in a moment that continued to cause me and my loved one pain either. I’m just far enough away from that reminder to be able to deal with it.
I have my own issues and we will both be haunted by the ghost of what could have been and how damaged we are by it. But we’ve lived separate lives and will continue to do so unless you make positive choices. I decided long ago that I no longer wanted to stare into the black hole of the abyss. That I was going to live and enjoy what was left of my life and fulfill the few goals I had a reasonable chance of attaining. That’s where we are now. I’m at peace and you’re at misery.
Status quo for most of our lives actually. It’s why neither of us have ever settled down with anyone else. I am the storm in your life and you and him are the one thing in my life that keeps me fuckin’ grounded. Every other relationship in my life good or bad the last twenty years has been dominated by that fact.
You have drama in your life and I have peace. There are reasons for that. I choose to maintain my peace. There’s nothing else left to destroy except my mental state, and I only let you and no one else affect that.
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